Monday, August 6, 2012

little children shall lead you

I have been thinking alot about motherhood the last few days. 

Being a mom has changed me in a million ways. 

Growing up, I always wanted to be a stay at home mommy.  I could always picture myself being a mom. 

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday. It is easily in the top 10 moments of my life. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I also knew it was a huge blessing- and that I was going to love it. 

That still stands true today... It's not easy. But I love it. Mia is very colic- and I have had some days that I wish I could just pass her on to someone for a few hours and take a breather, or days where I wish I knew how to help her, or days where I simply wanted to sleep. 

Today was one of those days I had no clue what to do. Mia had a rash all over the place, and I really had no idea what it was. I didnt know if it was an allergic reaction, or a virus, or what. She had been crying so much all weekend to the point where I just was in tears. Having a colic baby is so hard. And if you haven't had a colic baby- you do NOT understand. I hate when people say "We've all been there.." because many of you say that, but you havent. Having a fussy baby for 1 or 2 hours a day is not a colic baby. Sorry.. I almost feel embarassed when I take her places and she just cries and cries because although it doesnt bother me, crying babies bother other people sometimes. And I hate the stares I get. I wish people would understand that being a mom is hard work and that you can't control every situation with a baby OR kids. I feel like people think I am crazy for taking Mia in to the doctor for like everything- when she wont eat, when she cries all day (which ended up being a scratch on her eye) and then her rash today... but in all honesty, I am the mom. I know whats best for her. I call the shots. And all of this has taught me to be less judgmental towards other moms and the way they do things because not every one has the same situation and problems. Now I wish other people would learn that message too. haha. 

But more important than those, there were days I wish I could freeze forever. Like the time I first held Mia- (literally only for two seconds since she wasn't breathing- but still crazy and special to be holding something I made!)

Or when she is sleeping so peacefully.. 

or when she will snuggle me.. (favorite mommy past time)

especially when she smiles

..and maybe when she throws a fit too so I can giggle a little when she throws her head on the ground and cries as if she was saying "poor me"

I feel so lucky to be her mom. What made me the right mom for her? Why did she choose me? I can only hope I can be a good supportive mom for her and teach her to love others and serve others and be kind. I have many flaws, and I hope she doesn't pick up any of them.. ugh. haha. 

I LOVE motherhood. I really do. As hard as it is, I would so much rather do this than go work in an office. I am so grateful we can make it work financially so I can stay home!

In one of my favorite General Conference Talks Boyd K Packer says: "One of the great discoveries of parenthood is that we learn far more about what really matters from our children than we ever did from our parents. We come to recognize the truth in Isaiah’s prophecy that “a little child shall lead them"

I have learned more patience from Mia. I have learned how to love even more unconditionally. I have learned to put others above myself. She has taught me to laugh in hard times. I know as she gets older she will only teach me more through the mistakes I am bound to make. I know I have already made mistakes thus far. 

In the talk he also says: "Fathers and mothers, next time you cradle a newborn child in your arms, you can have an inner vision of the mysteries and purposes of life. You will better understand why the Church is as it is and why the family is the basic organization in time and in eternity. I bear witness that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true, that the plan of redemption, which has been called the plan of happiness, is a plan for families"

I really do feel like I have more meaning and purpose to my life now that she is here. Kevin and I talk about how different out life is now that she is here- but that we can't imagine it any other way. We both love being parents and feel blessed that Heavenly Father has sent her to our family. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the knowledge of forever families! 

Yes, the crying is hard. 
Yes, the lack of sleep is hard. 
Yes, the expenses are higher. 
Yes, the diapers are smelly. 

But no, I would not trade it in for anything. 
Not for more sleep, not for more money, not for a better smelling house, not for anything. 

This girl has changed my life. 
I was meant to be a mother. I am in no way a perfect mom. I do not think its the easiest thing in the world. But I do think it's the most rewarding thing in the world. 

just one smile is all it takes to turn my frown upside down. 
i love you mia girl. you are my favorite part of my day. 


Kira said...

Very touching. I especially love the title of this post. How very true. I'm not a mother, but I hope and dream of the day that I am. I am sure that when I do find out, it will be similar to yours. A day to never forget :)

Michelle said...

Loved this post Gill! Makes me so excited to be a mommy!

Alexis Kaye said...

This is so sweet. You ARE the mom and you get to make the decisions. People will critisize no matter what. You're doing a great job!


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