Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Just a few thoughts

This last week has been incredibly hard. Kevin got surgery on Thursday and hasn't been able to lift anything.. including lil Mia. He had a really bad Hernia and we are SO glad its gone now. He has had it since he was 12 but was too embarassed to tell anyone I guess. I finally made him go in and the surgeon said it was one of the biggest he has seen! Crazy. Glad everything went ok. 

We had to be at the Hospital at 6AM and so I got up at 5 and got ready and then got Mia up and we loaded up in the car and headed over to UVRMC. Mia unfortunately did not go back to sleep right away. It took about an hour and a half for her to go back to sleep. Kevs mom and dad came over to help me out with Mia while I was back in the room with Kevin Pre-OP and Steve, Kevins brother came to help give a blessing with Kevs dad. I cried when they wheeled him away... so sad. After his surgery was over, the surgeon came out and said all went great and that he would be in recovery in about 30 minutes. I told Kevins parents to leave because I thought we would probably only be at the hospital another 2 hours or so. Well, that was not the case. Kevin had a really hard time staying awake, and was feeling super sick. He had to get up and walk around and use the restroom before they would allow him to come home so we ended up being at the hospital for 8 1/2 hours. Out of all that time, Mia screamed probably 6 of the hours. It was so stressful. 

Mia has been fussing ALOT lately. She has had eating issues since month 2 and its been such a hard thing trying to figure out how to best take care of her. The fussing just kept getting worse and worse over the last two months until this week, it reached a new height. I had been able to handle it just fine for the most part, but then over the last couple of days, it has been constant screaming. Even when I was holding her, she would cry. I noticed the crying would get MUCH worse when she would pass gas. She is such a gassy baby, and I have been on a lactose free diet to help with that.. but I knew something was still up. 

So today, I took her in to the doctor. I told them I wasn't leaving until we figured something out to help with the eating situation. I told the doctor that Mia would suck for a minute, then pull off. She would get so frustrated that my milk didnt let down on that first suck that she would then scream, and then it would somehow make it so my milk wouldnt come. I think its because it stressed me out because I knew she was hungry and I wanted to help her but she wouldnt nurse. Then I told the doctor that after all Mias feedings, she had horrible gas and would cry and cry when she would pass gas. I always heard active belly sounds and she would arch her back after eating and cry. She never really threw up so if she had/has reflux, it would be silent reflux. When I explained to the doctor all of her symptoms, the doctor said she was almost positive it was a milk protein problem. She said even if I am off of dairy, my breast milk will still make lactose, and therefore, passing it on to the baby. She told me that alot of times babies little tummies can't digest the enzymes in lactose and so they have to be on a special kind of formula. The doctor told me that at this point, formula was the best thing for my baby although it was ultimately my choice whether to continue to breastfeed or not. 

For my sanity, and for the health of Mia, I chose to stop breastfeeding. I am really sad about it. But, I don't feel like a bad mom. I am doing what I have to do to make her feel better. I think I would feel worse if I had to keep her breastfeeding and knew it was hurting her belly! 

With all the crying, it is starting to stress me out a little therefore causing my milk to deplete anyway. 

I have seriously had to stick her in her crib and walk away many times this week. I have said a million prayers and tried to be so calm. Its been so hard. Anyone who has never had a baby that just cries all day wont understand how hard it is to listen to it all day. I say that its hard, but I would choose having a screaming baby all day than having no baby at all. So I am grateful that I have her.  Hopefully this formula will help her and she will get back to her happy little self! 

There are lots of cute and happy moments throughout the day though, so I thought I would share two videos and a couple of pictures. She is growing so fast, especially her HAIR! Its such a mess. I cant keep it under control. haha. 

One thing I love about her right now is that she is always sucking on her feet. Haha. Its so cute. I cant help but laugh when I see it. 

She also likes to take her binky out and make noise. She screams, but not in the crying way. Just in the HEY! LOOK AT ME! way. Haha. Its cute. In this video below, this is basically the way our house sounds all day long. talking talking talking away! 

Here is a video of her today at Allys house. She didnt want to roll over in the video, but she does roll over all the time. She is SO strong, and always wants her head up looking at everyone 

I love this little girl more than words can express. I am so grateful to have her in my life. Its been hard, but its been SO amazing too. the one smile or giggle I get from her makes all the crying worth it to me. 

i love you mia baby! you da best! 

1 comment:

The Duke said...

How is she doing today? How are YOU doing? I hope she settles down with the new formula. It's hard to hear and see your babies cry when you don't know what to do to help them. I hope this works.


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