Tuesday, April 10, 2012


I have been asked alot how my emotions have been since I had little miss Mia. I think a lot of people were worried (including myself)  that the postpartum depression was going to hit me hard... but I am happy to say it hasn't! Considering I have struggled with pretty bad depression for the last 5 years now, that's great news!

My whole pregnancy I worried that I wouldn't be happy when she came and I wouldn't enjoy the first part because I was worried I would be too depressed. I was worried I would cry every day. Be negative every day. Not get any sleep- which makes me more depressed and ornery. I was able to stay on my depression medicine all throughout my pregnancy because it was safe so I just prayed that it would still continue to work after she came. Everyone warned me how hard it was and how much sleep I would be missing out on, and how much they cry for no reason, and etc. In my situation, that has not been the case. Sure, I cried the first two weeks. Randomly. At dumb things like a sad commercial, or when Kevin left for work, or when I was laughing, laughs would turn into tears for no reason. Haha. But I don't consider that depression for me. Because not once was I thinking "I can't do this." or "What were we thinking?!" or "I just want to SLEEEEEP!" Or any bad thoughts about myself.

My prayers were heard and answered and Heavenly Father has blessed me with a good attitude and happiness. He has blessed me with a good baby that doesn't cry for hours on end. I think I got blessed with this sweet baby because He knew I could not handle a super colic-y baby.. haha. So moms that have dealt with that, know you are stronger than me. :) I am still on my depression medicine though, and probably will be on it for the rest of my life. But that's ok. I FEEL better. It truly helps. I feel like I have done such a big change emotionally in the last two years. I now am able to focus on others more than myself. I can see that I had problems in the past, and have accepted that I am not perfect, nor will I ever be, but now I am trying to be a better person, friend, mom, and wife. It's been a process. It's been a learning experience. Not everyone has understood. Not everyone thinks depression is real. (says the people who have never experienced it...) But I can't make people understand. I just am SO happy I am not in a depressed state right now at this time in my life because this baby needs all the love and happiness in the world!

I consider myself lucky. I feel truly blessed that this has been such a smooth transition for us. I have loved every minute of it. It's rewarding, it's fun, it makes me happy, it's HARD, it's easy, it's better than I thought it could have ever been.

I love being a mom. Best. Job. Ever.


Kira said...

You know Gillian, I feel like a idiot posting on your wall because I don't have any children... but I just want to thank you for this post.

I too, have had depression and anxiety in my life. I've had problems in middle school, and had to take some time off... and then My dad passed away, and that was hard, and then I've had to deal with problems in Marriage life with some of things that happened to me as even a younger child.

For the longest time, I was SO worried, what would come next. What else would be thrown at me, but you know what? It wasn't until two years ago (after I battled my depression in my own way) that I found peace in knowing that... The worst was over. I don't mean from problems. Those will always come. I can't say I won't have depression again or that unfair things won't happen to me, but I can stand tall because I KNOW something that I didn't then. I know that my Heavenly Father will be there to help me get through it. I was young, scared and defenseless then... But now I am strong, healthy and happy. Incredibly happy just knowing that my future is bright, and everything will be A - OK. no matter what.
Thank you for posting this. I think this scares a lot of girls out of having children.. I know its troubled me for some time.. and we need to be reminded of the blessings :)

thank you thank you thank you!

Mike and Adrianne said...

I'm glad you have been blessed without depression. I am all too familiar with it after babies. I had a friend who would tell everyone in the ward that I didn't like babies and I was so hurt by that. It wasn't until after I had Laila and didn't get postpartum depression that I understood why she would think I didn't like babies. She had NO CLUE what my life was like. If I had always felt like her after a baby, I might say things like she did (hopefully not). She just really had no idea what it was like to endure a colicky baby (and I hope you never have to) who cried the majority of the day. Or babies that stayed awake for nine hours straight--as a six week old! She just had no idea.

Michelle said...

I'm so glad you don't have postpartum depression because I had it after baby 5 and 6 and it was so draining on me and the family. I was so low that I considered taking my life. I hope you are able to keep being happy and that you continue to feel amazing! Mia is adorable.


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