By December, it had been 6 months since our first date. We held hands and kissed, and Kevin would sometimes text me that he 'liked me alot alot' haha. We had this deal where we always texted eachother when we got home to say we got home safe and goodnight. That was always my favorite thing. I would save his cute texts for weeks and look at them every day. Everything was going really REALLY good. And that scared me. The 'L' word had not been said yet.. but I sure felt it for him. At the same time, I started feeling really guilty because my missionary was still writing me. He kept saying "I havent heard from you in a while... Hope you aren't married... don't send me an invite if you do get married... I still love you..." and so on and so forth. The thing I KNEW was that the missionary loved me. And that I loved him. And that I could see myself with him in the future. With Kevin, I knew I liked him. I knew I had fun with him. I knew he thought I was cute and liked me.. but love? I didn't know... I got super confused! I started to pray about my relationship with Kevin. In a way, I wanted my answer to be to break up with Kevin and just wait for the missionary. I didn't know if I could write off the missionary without breaking my own heart and of course his... I would pray every day but the answer never came. I was so conflicted.
One night, Kevin was snowboarding and would be home around 9pm. I told him I wanted to come over and talk that night after he got home. I think that made him a little nervous. I left my house way earlier than 9pm, and cried ALL the way to Provo, where I went and parked at the Provo Temple to just pray about my decision. I decided I would break up with him, and it made me so sad. I didn't know if that was the right answer, but because I didn't feel good about either decision, I felt like I had to make it up on my own. I then left to drive to Springville where he lived and cried all the way to his house.
This next part is hard to explain. I knew I was going to knock on the door, go in, and start talking to kevin and tell him that I wanted to break up. But, that is not what happened.
He opened the door, and this overwhelming feeling of love and certainty came over me. Certainty of being with Kevin. Certainty that he was supposed to be mine. The minute he opened the door, he could tell I had been crying, and I started to cry again. He put me in his arms and asked what was wrong. I simply said "Kev, I came here to break up with you, but I can't." He looked completely surprised, so he pulled me inside and we went to talk in his family room more privately. He held my hand and looked at me straight in the eye and asked me what was going on. I told him about the missionary. He knew about my missionary, just not how serious it was. I told him that I had been writing him for quite some time now and that him and I had discussed marriage and that we loved eachother and had lots of history. Kevin didn't realize how serious my relationship with said missionary was until now. I told Kevin I had prayed about what I should do, because if I knew the missionary loved me and I loved him, then it wasn't fair to drag Kevin along with it. I told Kevin that I had loved being with him but that I didn't know how strongly he felt about me and I just wasn't getting an answer. I again told him that I came there to break up with him because I didn't know where this was going...
He interupted me, and said "But, what if I told you I loved you? Would that change things? Because I do love you. I am in love with you. I have wanted to tell you for a long time, but I have been too scared to tell you. I want to be with you. You are a woman I can see myself marrying. But I am so new to this dating thing and I just don't do well with sharing my feelings. I love you. I promise. Don't break up with me."
As he was telling me this, I felt a confirmation from the spirit telling me that this was the man I was going to marry. I needed to keep dating him. He was the right choice. What?! He just told me he loved me for the first time, and I am already telling myself that this is my future husband?! I just looked at him and cried. I finally said "You do? You really love me? Because I think I love you too..." and then, he pulled me close and kissed me. Trust me, this is as romantic as it gets. Hahahaha.
Ever since then, I have not had one doubt in my mind that I picked the right man for me and that he is my soul mate!
This is us at temple square later on in December. We both look silly, he was tickling me. I literally enjoyed every minute I had with him. We never fought, and he was kind, gentle, and loving towards me always. We were so in love. (still are) Everyone always asked us when we were getting married from the first date we even went on.. We just laughed thinking it would never happen... haha
This is us in St. George. I was on my way home from a Disney Land trip with my friends and we stayed in St. George for New Years. Kevin and his friends came down to stay with us and we played hide and go seek in the snow canyon caves. We matched that night, not intended! Haha. After not seeing him for 8 days, I knew when I saw him again that I could not live without him. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone so much!
The next part of the story is fun too.
January 17th, 2009 came. This is the day my friend Camilla got married. I will never forget this day! I was one of her bride's maids and that whole day I thought about marriage. Kevin and I had never discussed marrying eachother or the topic of marriage at all even.
But that day, I dreamed of getting married. It made me happy, giddy, excited... and of course miss being with Kevin. That night, at the reception, Kevin came. We had a great time dancing around and celebrating with the happy couple. At the end of the night, Kevin wanted to go on a ride. We drove around and ended up at the Elk Ridge Golf Course looking over the valley. No, we did not go up there to park and makeout. Lol.
We were holding hands and looking out at the beautiful valley when he randomly said "I think I want to marry you." I think my heart stopped beating. How weird that my first thought of marrying Kevin was that day at the temple with Camilla, and his first words about it were that night too. Maybe he had been thinking about it for a while, but this was the first I heard! I smiled huge and said "Really?" He said "Yeah. I think we should get married. You know that I love you and I know that you love me... What are your thoughts?" We then talked a little about it, but decided to keep it a secret until we were more serious about it. I mean, it had only been a month since we had told eachother that we loved eachother. That night, I went to sleep with a smile on my face. I.Could.Be.Married. I. Could. Be. A. Mrs. Holy crap! I wanted to scream with joy in my pillow!! I think I did...
Part 4 coming tomorrow.... :)