Tuesday, September 27, 2011

if you dont like the road you are walking on, start paving another one.

it's been a while since I have shared the real personal stuff. 
i've had a few things on my mind lately and thought I would write them down. 


it's taken months, YEARS even to get me to where I am today. for 5 years now I have struggled with depression, but as of today, I can say that I now know how to take control of it. That makes me proud. I've learned so much about myself and about others. I have learned that:

 crying is ok. 
you cant always change the way someone makes you feel, but you can change the way you react.
you can't make everyone understand what you are going through
you are not the only one who has this trial or is going through hard things
you can change regardless of how hard it may seem
the Lord loves us. 
it's OK to ask for help
It's ok if you have to be on medicine to make you sane. 
It's ok if you have to go talk to someone about your problems
forgiving others helps you forgive yourself
it often takes someone to bring you down for you to see how you need to be brought back up

my list could go on and on, but I wanted to say that I am proud of who I am today. I still have hard days. I still cry sometimes. I still feel lonely sometimes. I am in no way perfect. I still offend people and I still complain or am negative at times. But I am only human. I am tired of beating myself up for not being perfect. I feel so blessed to have the friends and family that I have who have helped me get through the hardest time of my life thus far. I feel so blessed to have a husband that loves me no matter the circumstance. I feel so blessed to have been given an opportunity from my Heavenly Father to bring a child to this earth. (cant wait to have her!) 


I love this quote above, if you dont like the road you are walking on, start paving another one. I can't tell you how many times people told that to me and I didn't listen. I don't know what got into me, but it all finally clicked and so I paved a new one. I paved a road where I relied on the Lord to help me- where I turned to my family if I needed extra love and company, a road where I was proud of who I can become and the things I have done in my life.

It has taken me a looong time to get here, to get to this 'happy place' and this happy place isn't always happy, believe me. But, it's a start. I don't care if others havent noticed a change in me, because I notice a change in me. That's all that matters. I can't let others dictate how I feel or who I become. It's all up to me.

here's to a happier me, and hopefully inspiring someone to get help if they need it too.. because it's going to be O.K.

xoxo.
gillian

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

nerdy video blog

heres a nerdy video blog i made tonight. enjoy

it's a girl!

So I have pretty much already shared this news but thought I would show pictures and whatnot. 
I was positive I was having a boy. I kept having dreams that it was a boy and I thought that because I wanted a girl first that I would for sure get a boy. 

I was truly surprised at my appointment to find out that it was indeed a lil lady! 
I had an ultrasound at 14 1/2 weeks and my doctor said he was hoping we could tell the gender that day. This little lady was moving like CRAZY in the ultrasound. For the most part, her legs were spread eagle, which is why we were able to get such a great shot of her lady parts! haha! 

Below is a picture of her with her legs wide open! The circled part is her lady parts. haha. The doc said that is is pretty positive it's a girl, but seeing as its so early still it could change to be a boy... but I'm not counting on it changing. 

here is another pic of the lil lady. she is laying down, head at the right side and arm along her side. So so precious... I can't wait to hold this little one.. :) 

Now if we could only decide a name...

Monday, September 19, 2011

our fun weekend!

This was a busy weekend for me. Me, Brittany Hughs, Liz Pearson, and Julie Penrod threw our friend Jena a baby shower. It was so much fun and a lot of people came! We made looooots of food, including cake balls, snickerdoodles, homemade cheesecake bites (pictured below) and then had fruit and veggies and chips and dip. We were up till midnight the night before (so friday) making the cake balls and putting together tissue ball flowers to decorate with. 
We all ate cafe rio and just chatted it up and cooked!  It was so much fun! The shower was the next day from 3-5 and she got some really REALLY cute baby clothes! I love baby showers. 

After the shower, Kev went to have a boys night and watch the game with some friends while my neice Sarah and I went to BYU's World of Dance. My little sister danced in it so we got to watch her perform! It was such a good show! I loved it. Then I took her to wingers for dinner, we got a redbox, and snuggled up and watched a movie! It was really fun and I don't think I have ever hung out with Sarah alone so it was great to get to know her and spoil her a bit. I hope she had fun! 

Kevin and I love to take Sunday Drives. We usually take the scooter down to the lake or something but It's getting a little uncomfortable for me to sit on the scooter for too long, so we decided its time to start using the car! We drove up to Sundance yesterday and walked around. I am SO out of shape. laying in bed for 3 months doesnt really do your body that good! I better get my butt to the gym again.. The flowers up at Sundance were SO beautiful. 


us on our little walk! IT was chilly!! 

I loved these yellow flowers, and had to get a picture by them. Also, my belly just POPPED! 15 weeks and counting! BTW, We are having a baby GIRL!!! :) (more about that later)

My favorite flowers planted right here... love it. 

I look drugged in this picture haha, but Kev looks mighty handsome :) 

We then drove around and let me tell you, there are TONS of houses for sale up there. Kinda sad. But They are all gorgeous and over priced. :)

Monday, September 12, 2011

the growing belly

please, don't let me get as big as her. because I don't have her cute body to be able to look cute carrying a baby that big. and I don't know if my back could handle that.. can you imagine? she looks tiny everywhere else besides her belly and it doesnt even look like she got a stretch mark. ah. so far, I have no stretch marks, have not gained a pound, but I look HUGE already...


here's me at 13 1/2 weeks: 
it's kinda looking as though I will be huge at the end of this.. 

I am 14 weeks today, and I have come down with a nasty sore throat and cold. awesome. wish me luck getting over it, because throwing up while you have a sore throat, really, really, hurts. 

on the flip side, I may be able to find out the gender on THURSDAY! thats right, this week! I have an ultra sound, and if they can see the gender, I will beg my doc to tell me. woot woot! 

wish me luck! 

Friday, September 9, 2011

cleaning, xmas, halloween, lotion, baby, oh just about everything

This has been a sloooooow hair week. I guess it's kind of nice that it's slow because I had time to get things done around the house. I finally set up all my fall decorations! Oh how happy it makes me :) I made a few new things. I took lots of pictures, but I can't find my camera cord. I think Kevin put it somewhere... so maybe later today I will be able to post pictures.

I also have been able to keep our sink EMPTY and CLEAN all week! Such an accomplishment for me, not even kidding. That doesn't mean I don't gag every time I do them, because I do. It's gross. (The gagging). I have only thrown up twice this week, thats HUGE! I am hoping I am coming out of this sickness phase. If not, thats ok, I can do it. But it would be nice to get over it.

I did a makeover on our salon blog today- it was needing a pick me up! you should all go check it out and follow it. We occasionally give away some awesome hair products like Enjoy and Osis products. I am in charge of our salon's fall boutique this year- and we need more vendors! So go check out the post: http://thehavensalon.blogspot.com/2011/09/introducing-our-fall-boutique.html for more information on becoming a vendor or just if you want to come shop! I need the support!

Our bedroom has also been kept spotless all week. I've even made the bed every day. These types of things are huge accomplishments for me, because it's been two months since I have done them. Haha. I am sure Kevin is relieved that I have found some energy to get these things done, because I only work 3 days a week. That gives me lots of days off and lots of free time. (WAY more than he has!) I have gotten back into blogging a little bit and it makes me feel a little more normal.

Yesterday I was in the mood to shop. I needed some lotion (I was running out of my favorite- country chic from bath and body works) so I headed to the mall. I decided I LOVE smelling good smells. well, who doesn't? It's just nice to walk into a store and not GAG from the smells! I got a new lotion that they had in addition to the country chic one. It's called sweet cinnamon pumpkin. Oh. My. Lanta. It smells SOOO Good! It just puts me right in the mood for fall and pretty leaves and sweaters and boots!! They are 3 for $10 right now. So go. Right. Now. Get it. :)
What else? I am going to South Jordan tomorrow for a tailgate party/dinner at my sister Chelsey's with all the family. We do a family dinner with all of us once a month. This month, we get to go watch the BYU game at her house on her HUGE TV and party hard! So excited. I love that they live here now. It was not fun having them live so far away! 

I am already listening to Christmas Music.. and thinking about this: 
Kevin and I always set up our tree on black friday. We get up at 4 am and go shop, buy pj's, eat breakfast, come home and nap, and then set up our tree and listen to xmas music. It's always so much fun. I want a real tree this year because ours is really sparce (spelling?) and I love the smell of a real tree.. :) But we shall see. I know I am crazy to be thinking about it this early, but I am so in the mood for it this year. I just have so many things I want to do this season. I really don't want Kev and I to get gifts for eachother. I just want us to buy gifts for some family that needs it and doorbell ditch it or something. That would be so fun and such a good experience. If anyone knows a family, email me. I would love to help. I just don't need things, ya know? And that's not what Christmas is about anyway. I just love the smells, the food, the people, the music, the decorations... just about everything but driving in the snow haha! 

For halloween Kevin and I found a funny costume to be. BUT, I'm not telling because you will all steal it! Can't WAIT to wear it to the Mohlman family party!! 

oh don't forget my cute baby. I am almost 14 weeks, holy crap, where has time gone?! 
I just love this picture of the baby's legs sticking up. this was at 10 1/2 weeks. I get to find out the gender on Oct. 6th. I might get to find out on Sept. 15th because I have an ultrasound that day, and if they can see it I will know! WAHOO! thats in less than a week! What's your guess? I want a girl so bad, but I am pretty sure it's a boy. I keep having dreams that it's a boy! but in the picture below, there is no pee pee yet... haha


Well, now that I have rambled on forever about all the things on my mind... I think I will finish now. Better go continue to clean or do something productive! 

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

this ones for you mommy!

this last weekend, a hero came and saved me. My MOMMY!! 

Like you all know, Kevin works like a million hours and goes to school. He is never home. Because of that, I am the one who is in charge of dishes, and all the other chores. I do good on making sure the bathroom is clean and the vacuming is done, but dishes, you can count me OUT! Every time I walk into the kitchen, I gag like crazy, sometimes even throw up. I can't handle to touch dirty dishes or smell anything. So, for that, literally, we used up every dish in our house and let them sit in our sink for like 2 weeks. I know you are thinking, well why doesn't kevin do the dishes? Well, he has a million other things to do, and that's the last of our worries.

 So, my mom came to my rescue and did our nasty sink full of dishes. I will say that I am so very embarassed that I let the dishes get like that. It really was so bad. My mom didn't complain, she just came in and spent an HOUR doing our dishes and cleaning our kitchen. While that was happening, I was gagging and ended up throwing up. She just continued to take care of me and help me clean! I was so grateful for her and I wanted her to know how much it meant to me! Thank you Mom! I SO appreciate it!!!!!

My mom never complains that I call her multiple times a day. 
She always is strong when I can't be. 
She tells me how it is- even sometimes when it's mean. haha
She works so dang hard.
She cooks yummy food, and lets me eat it. 
She cleans for me. yeppers. im lucky. (kevin said I am not allowed to ever ask her again haha!)
She still loves me even though when I was younger I used to tell her I hated her and I would fight with her like some crazy teenager. Through all that, she forgave me. I was a horrible child!
Shes really funny.
She takes really good photos, and two of them are getting published in a BYU calender this year!! wahoo! way to go mommy!
She takes such good care of all her kids.
She cares about everyone before even thinking about her self.
I just love her. 

So, here are some pics I love of my mommy. I hope she calls me later and tells me how mad she is at me for posting pictures of her.. hehehehe. 

haha, yes, this is a freaking ugly picture of ALL of us. 

I love this picture of my mom and Ammon. She is so good to him. 

Kaitlin and I used to go into her room every single night before bed and bug her till she kicked us out. Not even kidding! 

I love this pic of my mom and my nephew Jacob! 

Me and my mommy at Dave's wedding. 

My mom is my hero, thank you mom for coming to save me and helping me! You are the best!

ABC's


I don't have anything super interesting to blog about, so I decided to do this little abc quiz thing.. hope you enjoy!

A. Age: 22 (will be 23 December 2nd!)

B. Bed Size: Queen

C. Chore you hate: dishes. hands down. especially while being prego. 

D. Dogs: dont have one, but someday I want one that is really tiny!

E. Essential start to your day: using the restroom. haha! 

F. Favorite Color: green, all the way! the green below to be exact. 


G. Gold or Silver: Silver..Unless it's White Gold

H. Height: 5'8"

I. Instruments you play: I can klunk out a few songs on the piano, and I can play a few songs on the guitar. 

J. Job Title: Hair Stylist, but hopefully once I have the baby I can stay at home.
this was me in beauty school :)

K. Kids: none yet, but can't wait till the baby comes!

L. Live: Provo, UT
I love provo for so many reasons: it's close to everything. It's in the middle. So salt lake is only 45 mins away, and my parents house is only 25 minutes south, it's close to the lake, there are mountains, it doesn't snow too terribly bad (compared to everywhere else in utah), there is good shopping, nice people, and it's a pretty clean town. 

M. Maiden Name: Clark

N. Nicknames: Jilly, Jill, JB, Jilly Bean, Willy

O. Overnight Hospital Stays: none yet thankfully

P. Pet Peeve: I have so many. When people don't use their blinker, When people J Walk on a busy street and you have to stop for them, When Kevin leaves the light on in a room no one is in, When people eat with their mouth open, oh my list could go on and on...

Q. Quote: 

R. Righty or Lefty: Righty, but in dance I was always a better left turner. 

S. Siblings: 6 brothers and 4 sisters!
all the siblings without the parents

T. Time you wake up: haha, like 10 am. I sleep a lot these days. BUT, I don't go to bed till 1:30 usually. Kevin gets home late from work. 

U. University Attended: None..went to Beauty School

V. Vegetables you dislike: beets, onions, broccoli, any cooked veggies too- I like them fresh

W. What makes you run late: Kevin. He takes forever to get ready! Another thing that makes me run late is if I can't get up with my alarm. I have learned to set my alarm WAY earlier than I need to get up so that I can get up by the time I am supposed to get up. 

X. X-rays you've had: Dental, feet a few times, arm/wrist, head for sinus infection, knees, I think a few others?

Y. Yummy Food: Los Hermanos, Mashed Potatoes and a Roast, My moms homemade pizza and homemade bread, chips and salsa!!

Z. Zoo Animal Favorite: Giraffes! 

well, that's it. I tag- (my family) it's your turn to do it! 
Chelsey
Adrianne
My Mom
Jen
Tana
Lindsey
Kaitlin
Nancy
Amy
Michelle



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