Wednesday, November 30, 2011

dont let comparison steal your joy

*i was having some technical difficulties today with my blog so sorry this post has some weird bullets or whatever.*

I havent blogged for 2 or 3 weeks. 

Honestly, I have had no desire to. 

My reasons being- I have been busy with family in town and my mom getting a full knee replacement, I have been trying to decide if I even want to keep my blog or not, and I am not sure I like knowing that creepers are looking at my blog. I made it private for the last few weeks but I keep going back and forth on my decision. Here are all the negatives to this blog:

I am an open and honest person. Therefore, I share a lot of deep and hard things on here. Alot of people feel uncomfortable reading it and therefore like to comment mean things or talk about me behind my back. (and of course it gets back to me.) 

People like to tell me what I can and cannot write on here. They like to tell me how I should feel. I know that when you put personal opinions and stories on the web you are bound to get negative responses, but really? as much as I get them, is it worth it? 

Then there are the people who NEVER call, NEVER email, NEVER text, blah blah that look at my blog just to see how my life is going. They don't comment, or contact me to really talk. The only reason I know they look at my blog is because of google analytics- (it shows who has viewed my blog). The don't feel the need to reach out to me in a personal voice to voice or face to face way and that bugs me. Just because I write about my life on here doesn't mean you can read it and call it good. Some friends ya know? *Although I write that comment, I know I am guilty of this too at some time or another so I will try to be better*

Then there are the people who really don't like me, but just read my blog to try and pick apart everything they can and make their own meanings on it. Then they go and talk about it to so and so, who tells so and so, who gets back to me about it and it's just unnecessary drama! If you are really concerned about what someone says, stand up for me in the comments or say something nice once in a while. Otherwise, just don't read it or come to me complaining of so and so who said this and that about me and my blog. 

Now, to the positives. 

I have met some AMAZING friends. I would have never met 
and don't forget Ashley Hart. (cant find her blog for some reason... weird) 

I have met way more people than that, but thats just a few to name. 

I get random mail from people who are just the kindest people on the earth. Here are a few examples:
from marissa:
Hey Gillian! So, I feel like a little bit of a creep, but I totally used to stalk your blog, and I just felt the need to tell you how much I enjoyed and appreciated the real-ness (is that a word??) of it. While I completely understand your reasons for making it private, I would love to read it again if you ever change your mind :) Good luck with everything! Especially your baby girl to be! 

from lexy:
Hey :) you probably don’t know me, I was friends with Kaitlin in high school and pretty much idolized you my sophomore year. Anyway I just read your post about your blog, I wanted to let you know that I respect your decision to make it private, but it will be missed…yes, I blog stalk you…sorry. I personally loved that you share things that are so personal. I have always thought you were so brave for letting it all be out there. It was nice to hear someone be real and yet still so positive about the struggles of everyday life. A lot of times it was exactly what I needed. I also loved the cute crafts :) Well, I think you are so amazing. You are such a strong person, and so beautiful and incredibly talented in so many things. And congratulations on your baby! She is going to be one lucky little girl :) I hope you have a fabulous day! You deserve it 

from ashley:
Hey Gill! I have randomly been thinking about you a lot today! So I thought I would send you a little note telling you how cute you are. During high-school, I really looked up to you, and I still do. We hardly know each other, but it's so cool how the internet allows us to still be examples to people we don't physically see every day. So thank you for living your life in a way that makes other people want to be better... including me. You are awesome

Jess said:
Suicide sucks, there's no way around it...but we are so lucky to have a Father in Heaven who is not only just, but kind and loving and understands perfectly the pain people who commit suicide suffered. I love you, Jill, and I'm so glad you've been open with your struggle with Depression as of late. Thanks for this entire post, and if you ever need anything, I'm here for you. 

from Kira:
I TOTALLY hear you, I won't name specifics, but I have had some people put some pretty nasty comments on my blog :( I almost went private myself, seriously. They really hurt my feelings :( So I get it. I am so sorry! But, I will say try not to let what others say or think affect you... I know its way easier said then done, but it is possible with practice :) and... Just because one person may judge you, theres 5 others who commend you on your bravery and honesty.... :) Love ya, and I get it. Really do. Keep writing... :) You're great! Happy Thanksgiving!

So really, I get some really nice responses from people. I try to inspire others by writing about the things that are real because thats how people relate! Really there is just no way around how I am feeling if I want to continue to write the way I do. So, is it worth it? Am I really helping people? Therapeutically, I am helping myself. And I guess that's important. I just need to remember that not everyone has the same opinions and not everyone likes me or is going to agree with what I say, and I need to be ok with that. I never intentionally hurt peoples feelings. If you knew me, you would know that I would never do that, especially on here. So if I have hurt your feelings, just email me or call me and let me know. That way I can improve and have better relationships. 

My sister Adrianne wrote about this topic on her blog recently too. We both have similar feelings about our blogs and wonder if it's worth it. You can read hers here: 

I will take a stab at this again. But if it continues to be a problem, I will just make it private and send invites to only the people I want to read it. 

If you want to say something mean about my blog, just say it to my face. I wont bite. :) But please don't add the drama here or involve others in it. 

Thanks for all the continued support to my friends and family and here is a thought to end with:

I am who I am and nothing can change that. I like who I am. I have flaws, but they are being refined and worked on. I am not perfect. But I cannot let comparisons ruin my happiness and make me feel less than what I am. Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is different. Everyone is fighting a different battle. Everyone feels lonely at times or struggles financially. No one is perfect! Let Christ be the center of your home and life and I promise your life will be easier. 


Amie and Jesse said...

Gillian, i hope things go better this time around, i want you to know that i appreciate your blog and your honesty. its very refreshing to read and know that other women are going thru some of the same things and that we are not alone. i wish we lived closer because i feel we would be great friends. :) i hope all goes well with you and kevin he is a great guy, and i hope you have a merry christmas!

The Almonds said...

I was so bummed when I saw that you made your blog private, but I can understand. I really missed reading what you had to say on here, I think your blog has really helped me realize that its okay to share your feelings. I love reading your blog and I appreciate everything you say and hope that if you do go private in the future that I can continue to read your blog.

Sorry I am probably one of those people that reads your blog but never sees you, I am guilty of that and hopefully I can get better!

Kira said...

You're a good person Gillian :) I hope that I can tell you that to your face and not just through cyberspace given the right opportunity. Either way though.. I admire you being brave and going public. I for one am super happy about it :) but once again... no judgements passed ever on what you decide to do! Good luck!!!

Mark & Tiff said...

Gillian. I'm one of those lurkers. I'm sorry. I love your blog. I love your honesty. It's not often that people are so real. I have made some of my most dear friends from blogging. I'm so sorry that you have caused drama on your blog. People can be so mean. I hope things work out for the best and that you don't stop blogging either keeping it private or public. You will be glad that you do because it will be like a journal for you later. I have gone back and forth debating on keeping my blog private or not, but haven't because I want people to know the real me and if they don't like it, tough.
I'm glad you are so real. Best of luck with everything and your sweet little baby. Hugs-Tiff

Mark & Tiff said...

Eeek! You didn't cause drama on your blog. Other have. Typo, I'm tired.:)

Clint and Gillian said...

I'm not gonna lie Gillian, when I couldn't find your blog the last couple weeks, I got super sad! I love reading about your life and the great things you are doing with your really are an inspiration to me to be a better wife and friend and person in general. So thanks...your blog means a lot to me! Keep up the great blogging :)

Seth and Natalie said...

So you must really not like me because I read your blog all the time and never leave a comment.:) That doesn't make me a bad person or cousin-in-law, just a lazy one. I say blog whatever you want to blog about, and just let it roll off you. Honestly, I do laugh about some things you post and think "I wouldn't say that", but also think it's ok that you do, because we are not the same person. I like the differences in others, and I like you. And I loved my bangs, so pretty much I want you to keep letting me stalk your doings and keeps Seth's family up to date on what you're up to.

Mike and Adrianne said...

My issue is not quite the same as yours. But, I do relate to what you are saying, I just have other issues with blogging too. I don't get too many comments from people telling me what I should or should not post--that is rare for me. It happens, just not often.

Anyway, do what you feel is right for you and what makes you happiest. Like I mentioned on my post, I have another private blog that I write things on that no one is allowed to read so that I can post things I want to say but don't want people to be offended by or don't want to share with the public. Because some things should be kept private...

Sam and Riley said...

I love your blog! I love how down to earth you are. I am just a lazy blogger when it comes to leaving comments, I usually have a baby on my lap and my 3 year old yelling at me to get off the computer so she can watch netflix on it. But I have to say that I think that you being so blunt has helped people. Some people are just mean and like to cause drama and it's best to keep them out of your life. My blog is private and I love it for that reason. You are such a sweet and strong girl and you are going to make the best mother. Whoever has problems with your awesome posts or you boot them out of your life.

Chantel said...

Gillian, I totally stalk your blog! lol

I love reading it and hope you continue to keep blogging even if you do make it private. You need to do what is best for you and if that is blogging than you should totally do it!

I am sorry for those who feel the need to write hateful things about you or your blog. Why do they even read it?! I may not agree with some things that you blog about but that is my opinion. I feel that if I am going to read YOUR blog why say something to hurt someones feelings about the way they feel. I find that very mean and disrespectful!!!

I hope you can decide on what feels right for you and just go with it!

Best of luck!!!!

~ Chantel

beckaboots said...

I'm glad that you're giving it another shot. I must have missed it when you set it to private. I like being bloggy friends with you :) How much longer until you're due with your little lady?

If Work Permits

Melissa said...

People are stupid. This is your blog, and you have the right to post whatever you want. I love your blog and your honesty Gill! Keep being incredible!!

Chelsea and Glen said...

Just so you know, I am not a creeper. I genuinely enjoy your blog but I am not very good at posting comments. I am Caitlin Allen Harward's big sister and I'm pretty sure we know each other. Anyway, feel free to creep on over to my blog anytime if that makes you feel better.

Alexis Kaye said...

Thanks girl!!! :) and I'm with you. Blogging seems like a pain a LOT of the time, but I think it's so worth it! I've made a lot of good friendships too (including yours) that I love!


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