*i was having some technical difficulties today with my blog so sorry this post has some weird bullets or whatever.*
I havent blogged for 2 or 3 weeks.
Honestly, I have had no desire to.
My reasons being- I have been busy with family in town and my mom getting a full knee replacement, I have been trying to decide if I even want to keep my blog or not, and I am not sure I like knowing that creepers are looking at my blog. I made it private for the last few weeks but I keep going back and forth on my decision. Here are all the negatives to this blog:
I am an open and honest person. Therefore, I share a lot of deep and hard things on here. Alot of people feel uncomfortable reading it and therefore like to comment mean things or talk about me behind my back. (and of course it gets back to me.)
People like to tell me what I can and cannot write on here. They like to tell me how I should feel. I know that when you put personal opinions and stories on the web you are bound to get negative responses, but really? as much as I get them, is it worth it?
Then there are the people who NEVER call, NEVER email, NEVER text, blah blah that look at my blog just to see how my life is going. They don't comment, or contact me to really talk. The only reason I know they look at my blog is because of google analytics- (it shows who has viewed my blog). The don't feel the need to reach out to me in a personal voice to voice or face to face way and that bugs me. Just because I write about my life on here doesn't mean you can read it and call it good. Some friends ya know? *Although I write that comment, I know I am guilty of this too at some time or another so I will try to be better*
Then there are the people who really don't like me, but just read my blog to try and pick apart everything they can and make their own meanings on it. Then they go and talk about it to so and so, who tells so and so, who gets back to me about it and it's just unnecessary drama! If you are really concerned about what someone says, stand up for me in the comments or say something nice once in a while. Otherwise, just don't read it or come to me complaining of so and so who said this and that about me and my blog.
Now, to the positives.
I have met some AMAZING friends. I would have never met
or Dani (http://adwarren.blogspot.com/)
or Nichelle (http://www.vwbblog.com/2011/11/god-grant-me-courage.html)
and don't forget Ashley Hart. (cant find her blog for some reason... weird)
I have met way more people than that, but thats just a few to name.
I get random mail from people who are just the kindest people on the earth. Here are a few examples:
Hey Gillian! So, I feel like a little bit of a creep, but I totally used to stalk your blog, and I just felt the need to tell you how much I enjoyed and appreciated the real-ness (is that a word??) of it. While I completely understand your reasons for making it private, I would love to read it again if you ever change your mind Good luck with everything! Especially your baby girl to be!
Hey you probably don’t know me, I was friends with Kaitlin in high school and pretty much idolized you my sophomore year. Anyway I just read your post about your blog, I wanted to let you know that I respect your decision to make it private, but it will be missed…yes, I blog stalk you…sorry. I personally loved that you share things that are so personal. I have always thought you were so brave for letting it all be out there. It was nice to hear someone be real and yet still so positive about the struggles of everyday life. A lot of times it was exactly what I needed. I also loved the cute crafts Well, I think you are so amazing. You are such a strong person, and so beautiful and incredibly talented in so many things. And congratulations on your baby! She is going to be one lucky little girl I hope you have a fabulous day! You deserve it
Hey Gill! I have randomly been thinking about you a lot today! So I thought I would send you a little note telling you how cute you are. During high-school, I really looked up to you, and I still do. We hardly know each other, but it's so cool how the internet allows us to still be examples to people we don't physically see every day. So thank you for living your life in a way that makes other people want to be better... including me. You are awesome
Suicide sucks, there's no way around it...but we are so lucky to have a Father in Heaven who is not only just, but kind and loving and understands perfectly the pain people who commit suicide suffered. I love you, Jill, and I'm so glad you've been open with your struggle with Depression as of late. Thanks for this entire post, and if you ever need anything, I'm here for you.
I TOTALLY hear you, I won't name specifics, but I have had some people put some pretty nasty comments on my blog :( I almost went private myself, seriously. They really hurt my feelings :( So I get it. I am so sorry! But, I will say try not to let what others say or think affect you... I know its way easier said then done, but it is possible with practice :) and... Just because one person may judge you, theres 5 others who commend you on your bravery and honesty.... :) Love ya, and I get it. Really do. Keep writing... :) You're great! Happy Thanksgiving!
So really, I get some really nice responses from people. I try to inspire others by writing about the things that are real because thats how people relate! Really there is just no way around how I am feeling if I want to continue to write the way I do. So, is it worth it? Am I really helping people? Therapeutically, I am helping myself. And I guess that's important. I just need to remember that not everyone has the same opinions and not everyone likes me or is going to agree with what I say, and I need to be ok with that. I never intentionally hurt peoples feelings. If you knew me, you would know that I would never do that, especially on here. So if I have hurt your feelings, just email me or call me and let me know. That way I can improve and have better relationships.
My sister Adrianne wrote about this topic on her blog recently too. We both have similar feelings about our blogs and wonder if it's worth it. You can read hers here: www.mikenadrianne.blogspot.com
I will take a stab at this again. But if it continues to be a problem, I will just make it private and send invites to only the people I want to read it.
If you want to say something mean about my blog, just say it to my face. I wont bite. :) But please don't add the drama here or involve others in it.
Thanks for all the continued support to my friends and family and here is a thought to end with:
I am who I am and nothing can change that. I like who I am. I have flaws, but they are being refined and worked on. I am not perfect. But I cannot let comparisons ruin my happiness and make me feel less than what I am. Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is different. Everyone is fighting a different battle. Everyone feels lonely at times or struggles financially. No one is perfect! Let Christ be the center of your home and life and I promise your life will be easier.