Tuesday, June 28, 2011

thanks {to my friends}

just a few thoughts for today. thought i would share some recent pics as well as some thank you shout outs to some people who have made a difference in my life this past week!

I cut my moms hair again a few weeks ago. we have been letting her gray grow out for a while, and I think it's a really pretty gray. I love it. 

I think my mom looks younger than she really is. She's 61- and I think she looks awesome!

 I love this cut on her. I think she looks so pretty. I love my mommy!

I've never had any patriotic decor so I made some little blocks a while ago. 

I also wanted to make a block with our temple on it with our names and wedding date. I printed the pic off of google, and modpodged it onto a block I painted white and distressed with black ink on the edges. 

I also got this kinda figured out decor wise... what do you think? I love the big star. 

I had my first experience with fondant this last week. My sister Adrianne was visiting and she asked me to help her make a cake for her little boy's birthday party. He wanted a star wars cake! here is the words I carved out.. haha!

heres the cute birthday boy with a koolaid stache. 

Here is the cake finished! I thought it looked awesome. It was fun to make with her! 

other than those few things, thanks so much for all the sweet comments regarding my weight loss journey. I really appreciate it. A friend called me tonight and said "I was so proud of you for posting that because when I read it I thought it was cool because you don't care what others think about you." 

I was really touched that she called me to tell me that. Shes an amazing friend {im talkin about chelsea salcido hansen} 

I guess that statement she made is true to some extent. 

I don't care if others hate me..
I don't care what people think about my blog..
I don't care if someone thinks i'm pretty or not..
or if i'm fat and they can't believe i wrote it on my blog..

but I do care when someone judges me because they don't know me,
or when they stop being my friend because they don't know how to deal with any issues but theirs,
or when people think my depression is a disease and if they are around me, they would catch it..

so yes, I still get sad that my best friend ditched me 5 months ago. 
I still get sad when people write mean things about my blog. 
I still get sad when people distance themselves from me. 

I know 5 months ago I was in a bad, bad place. but doesn't anyone believe in second chances? or forgiveness? what if I don't even know what I did wrong? How can you judge someone when they cant control the way life gets thrown at them? I guess that's a lesson for me to learn too.. 

but I just want to say I am thankful for the friends I have. Thanks to the friends that have stuck around and been there for me through the HARDEST trial of my life. No, the trial isn't over, it may never be over, but at least now, I feel supported. loved. and thought about. And now, I feel like I have the information and tools to help me figure out how to change those bad days into good ones. 

I have a few shoutouts for some people who have really made a difference in my life the last few weeks:
{please don't be offended if you were left out, because i still love you! unless you were talking bad about me or you don't have contact with me anymore because of decisions you made.. haha)

Thanks to kilee for bringing me cookies and having girl nights with me and riding the scooter. it made me feel like a kid again. thanks for being a good friend all the way back from 2nd grade! you are the most kind hearted person I know. 

Thanks to Chelsea Salcido Hansen for calling me tonight to catch up like old times. Thanks for always letting me share my deepest thoughts, and giving me advice in return. Thanks for helping me feel important. Thanks for always making me laugh- you are my funniest friend. Thanks for letting me toot while you were stretching my leg in ballet a long time ago. Thanks for laughing in ballet and getting us kicked out all the time. haha... :)

Thanks to my cousin nikki who came to get her hair done this week and gave me lots of wisdom about forgivness. Thanks for loving me and sharing your life story. it makes me feel trusted when you talk to me about life. Thanks for always randomly texting me to make sure I am doing well. I am so glad you are part of the family!

Thanks to Michelle Lindsley for 2nd chances. We used to hate eachother, until we got to know eachother, and I feel really grateful for you! you are so funny and I am sorry I didn't give you a chance sooner. girls and their dumb ways :) You are a GREAT friend and so spiritual. I love that. 

Thanks to Camilla for sending me a text yesterday saying I inspired her to workout. It had been a long time since we had texted eachother and I was really glad I could inspire and motivate you! I hate being so far away from you, but I think about you every single day, and I love you. you are so great at forgiving. 

thanks to my sister Adrianne for coming out to visit. I cried like a baby this morning after we said goodbye on the phone. sad that life has to go back to you being in CO and me being in UT. It was so fun being near eachother for a week and seeing you every day. I hope for us to someday be neighbors. I want to say thank you for always being honest with me and letting me cry for hours on end to you on the phone. you are my drug. haha. but really though, you always make me feel better. 

thats just a few to name for this week. I wish I could keep going. there are so many people who have made a difference in my life this week and who have been amazing, but that would take up pages and pages and PAGES! just know that i appreciate those of you who treat me so well and look past all my imperfections.  i decided I need to thank the people i love more often, so I am going to do this every week from now on. if you want to make the list, you better be nice to me this week. haha, jk. ;)  
(hopefully i can remember). 

i love real, true, relationships. the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad. The hard, the easy, the laughs and the cries! I am so grateful to have so many good friends in my life, and just because I lost one that meant a lot to me, doesn't mean I can't make new friends and continue to build those relationships. I think now I know that a real friendship includes having to say I am sorry and please for give me. It also includes accepting apologies and letting the other complain and vent. It means helping your friend through trials. It means loving unconditionally. It means learning to be nonjudgemental. it means being able to keep secrets. it means supporting eachother through everything. Maybe those were things my friend wasnt the best at or that I wasnt the best at, but I now know areas where I can improve and i am learning how to be a better friend. i am learning how to value others. i am learning that friends don't just come in your life by coincidence. it isn't by chance you meet someone. it's always part of the plan. i know my heavenly father wants me to be a good friend and to have good friends. maybe he made me loose a friend so i could learn to be a better friend. and now, that's ok. i can see that. i know my savior can and will be my best friend if I will let him, and if I will always confide in him. I hope you will too. 

I challenge you to write a thank you blog post or thank you cards to the people who made a difference in your life today, because not only will it make you feel better, but it will make their day. it will hopefully always continue in a pass in on manor. you have to let others serve and love you in order to not take away their opportunity to serve and love the lord. 

thanks again for the love and support of all of you. i. love. you. 

now off to bed. kev gets home in about 2 hours. maybe i can fall asleep before he gets home tonight?

Monday, June 27, 2011

the skinny days

This last month I have been kickin my butt at the gym! I am so proud of myself. I have worked really hard. I went to the doctor a month ago, and she told me that I needed to loose some weight to help out with the whole ovulation thing. Also, my BMI was 26, and thats un healthy for my height/age. So, we worked out a plan, decided I would work out a ton, and only have around 1200 calories a day for the first little while. 

these were my skinny days. the days when I ate whatever I wanted, and felt good in all my clothes. ah.. the skinny days..

this was 9th grade.

this was 2008

2007 I believe, after I graduated. I was extremely skinny and fit then.

2005, when we took my brother to the MTC.

2007 I think. it was december, my bday, and this was a good time to be in a swim suit.

and i have no idea when this was. prob 2007 summer that I graduated.

well, skinny got taken over by fat. but skinny will soon reign again!!!

This part is really really REALLY hard for me to post. So, just know that I did this so I can look back and remember how I looked, and remember that I never want to go back! I never wanted to be overweight. I used to be this little skinny thing and then with birth control and stopping dancing and being as active as I was in high school, added lots and lots of pounds on me. I hated the way I looked. I always felt super fat and ugly. I always felt uncomfortable. I didn't feel sexy. I had to look at myself in the mirror every day and realize that this is NOT how I wanted to look. And for that, I needed to change! So, no more of this! 

So, here I am, keeping it real... Before: 180 pounds- my HEAVIEST weight. uuuughhh (sorry for the sports bra and spandex, it gives you the idea though of my flabby belly!) This was taken on June 1st, 2011. 

oh man. I want to cry when I look at this. just 3 short weeks ago, I was this person. People were always asking me how far along I was. I hated that question more than anything. I usually just responded, "i'm just fat." I cannot let myself get like this again. Granted, I wasn't eating any differently than I did when I was skinny. I just wasn't being as active as I was, and my metabolism slowed down a lot. Also, a side affect of PCOS is weight gain. So, I am going to have to try REALLY hard to work on that. Again, I am super embarrassed about this, but I had to post it so I can remind myself where I was, and where I never want to go again. 

During: This is me as of TODAY, June 27th, 2011. I now weigh 169, a total of 11 pounds lost in about 3 weeks! You can't tell as much what my stomach looks like because of the tshirt, but I can definitly tell a difference, and I already feel better about myself!
My tummy is getting flatter, my legs more toned (my legs have always been kinda strong), and my arms are more toned as well. I can't wait till i get to my goal weight- 150 pounds- and can continue to shed off the weight and maintain a healthy BMI and diet. 

so, go me go! I will keep updating my progress. I can do hard things! 
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Friday, June 24, 2011

my loves too big for you my love

we've had lots of fun things going on this month. its been a month full of family and good friends! 
kevins best friend from when he was little FINALLY got married to an amazing girl Kenna! 
She has become my best friend and it was so fun to be there on their special day! the ceremony was just so sweet and they both cried :) we love them, and i have to say they are one of our favorite couples to hang out with! they are so chill and relaxed. 

heres some of my favorites i snapped and edited from the day. 

she truly looked like a princess!!!

best buddies foreva! dont mind my roots.. its been a while.. i need to get them done!

michelle, kenna, and I

So their wedding was awesome. They are both in theater. He is studying cinematography/videography whatever you call it, and she is doing theater makeup. Shes AMAZING at it too! Because they are both in theater, they decided to do their reception in a real theater!

they did it theater style but still kept it very classy. they had popcorn, cotton candy, candy, nachos, soda, cake, all kinds of fun things! 

it was a lot of fun, and they are STILL on their honeymoon (its been 2 weeks!) and we cant wait for them to come home and hang out with us!

my amazing and talented husband made me a really cool shelving unit. he got an old door that was laying around at his work, cut it in half, and added some shelves in the middle of it. I LOVE it. we were going to paint it white, but I like the way it looks with the chipped paint. It looks more vintage. What do you think?

I have re-decorated it now that I have a few things, I will have to post a new picture when I get a chance, but this is just what I threw on it the first day. 

I think it helps the room look more homy and welcoming :) good job babe!
Kev also said he will be making more of them, and we will be selling them for around $200. If you want one, let us know. 

we've had lots of family parties the last month. my sister adrianne is visiting from CO with her 4 kids and hubby. Shes going to bless her baby on sunday- and so is my brother adam going to bless his baby boy. We had a b-day party for adriannes little boy Isaac the other night with all the cousins that live here in ut and the siblings and whatnot. We did a water party. It was such a blast! i took these pictures from my mom- i love them!

this is me lovin on my nephew austin. hes such a happy boy! he makes my heart melt. He is always smiling and laughing. i LOVE him!

here are 3 of adriannes kids and one of adams eatin BBQ food and waiting to get wet!

my mom captured this pic of me holding laila- adriannes new baby. shes so sweet. she has so much hair, and i love her big smile!!! this pic is kinda weird because my neck looks disconnected from my head hahaha... but I love the baby. :) if you havent noticed, kids are kinda my thing. I love them. I need some kids... 

the other night my mom and I took some newborn pics of laila. i bought the bow for her, and we put her in a basket with some tulle my mom had. she was SO good and sat still the whole time! shes so beautiful. I will post more pics when I get them off of my moms computer.

lastly, holy crap. I can't believe how old Ammon is. he's 15 now. Hes going to be 16 in october. Can you believe that? He still amazes me and I love him more than ever. Here he is with his best friend Devin. Ammon is the happiest person ever. It's such a blessing to have him in our family. 

well, todays gonna be a good day. off to go craft and have a fun day OFF! 

Thursday, June 23, 2011


my friend Ashley commented on my blog post below (thanks for the support ladies) and said that on her blog she has a disclaimer. I read it and thought it was awesome. I laughed. So, here it is people. This is my disclaimer for this blog- as written by the wonderful Ashley. (yes, go follow her...)

If life is a flower bed, my blog is about both the flowers AND the weeds.

Seems like mostly it's the weeds...

Try not to let that deter you from reading--it can be entertaining. I am really working on making it more about the flowers, but who wants only the daisies and roses? Posting about the yuck is therapeutic for me. It's my version of "pulling the weeds."

WARNING: This blog is written according to my point of view and opinion and it may offend you at times. If you can't handle it, don't read it. You might Laugh. You might cry. You might die of boredom. Read at your own risk (or enjoyment).

and yes, that previous post made me feel better thank you very much. watch out!

um, ok, really?

warning: this is a negative post today. take it or leave it.

people really really bug me sometimes.

today is one of those days. i am SO bugged. i am so sick of people telling me what i can and cannot do. im sick of fake people. i'm sick of people who love to pretend their lives are perfect. i'm sick of people gossiping to me about other people.

to the people who have been bugging me lately:

people, you don't have the right to tell me what i can and can not write on my blog. it's MY blog.

once again, DON'T READ IT if you don't like it. because i could care less if you read it or not if all you are going to do is pass judgement to me.

regardless, telling me what i can and cannot write is not ok, because i don't go around telling you what to write.

know your facts straight before you make assumptions about me or my family.

there's always two sides to a story. dont you ever forget it.

how bout this, stay away, if you want to bring extra drama into my life because i don't care for it.  :)

don't mess.

there. i said it.

sincerely, from,
gillian, the bugged blogger.

Monday, June 13, 2011

im old enough to have a niece get married?!

yep, its true. i'm only 22, but I have a 20 year old niece. Her dad is Kevins oldest brother, Dale. Even weirder than that, she married a 26 year old. A man older than my husband. haha. Just a little weird haha. (it makes me feel old, even though i'm not!)  But we love her husband and hes such a great guy! we couldn't have picked a better guy for her. She got married a little while ago and we headed up to Logan to be at the sealing and reception/luncheon. 

heres kevbaby givin me a smooch :)

kevs sister jen made the cake for her wedding. so pretty

i got lots of snuggle time with my new niece ellie. shes adorable. if you cant tell, i really want a baby.

stealin a kiss from my lover. i love kevin more than anything! i'm so lucky to be married to him. he takes such great care of me. and, hes SO handsome.. pretty sure he makes my heart flutter any time i see him.. 

here is my niece kara and her new hubby jonathen. i thought it was kind of funny, she used all the same colors I did for my wedding. she also did an ice cream bar for the food, which is what i wanted to do but since mine was outside, it wasn't a good idea. too hot.  she must have good taste or liked my wedding lots :)

kevin smiling goofy!

he really has a hard time making a normal face.. hahaha

our new married buddies

it was a fun day, but very very lonnnnnng. she was so happy and it was fun to be there for her. 

btw, i have lost 6 pounds this last week. been working out a TON and eating less- only 1200 calories and I feel GREAT! I am so proud of myself. i plan to loose 19 more pounds, if not a little more. 

kev starts his new job at USSynthetics tomorrow.. and i am super excited about the fact that he got a new job, but a little sad that he will work from 3 pm-11:30 pm mon-fri. im never going to see him... 
so that means TONS of girls nights and craft nights.. anyone interested? :)


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