Sunday, May 22, 2011

am i being selfish for wanting some free time?

do you ever feel like you are so busy and so many things are pulling you in different ways?

i do.

especially right now.

i feel like i am involved in so many things that i dont have time for myself or my husband, or my apartment for that matter.

back in january i thought being busy would be the best thing for my depression, which it really has been good because it's helped me focus on the positive and not dwell on the negative.

but. now, it's getting to me. i'm so busy that i never make dinner anymore. i don't do the dishes every day. i don't make the bed everyday. i dont work out anymore. i hardly do anything productive. after a long day of work at one of my 3 jobs, i just want to come home and blog, craft, or snuggle with my hubby. i don't want to clean, or work out, or write thank you notes, or hang out or anything. we don't have family night, because i work monday nights. we don't EVER have time to go the the temple because kev works days and i work nights. i never see kev either.

i work at haven salon, which is actually my favorite place to be besides home with my hubby. i am just now for the first time ever- getting so motivated about doing hair and building my clientele. i love every minute i am there. i am making pretty good money there and doing the thing i went to school for- so obviously it's something i love to do. i also work teaching musical theater once a week on fridays. not only do i teach about 25 students, i have to pick costumes out for them, choose their music, get the music cut, put on an hour show with them as the stars at the end of the year, choreograph the whole show.. i mean, it's a huge responsibility, and i do it all by myself. i also work as a receptionist at the utah school of music and dance. i love that job as well. i am in a great atmosphere with possibly the best bosses in the world. i answer phones, register new students, run errunds, make posters for events coming up, register us for parades, set up all kinds of events like the coming up student appreciation day- i basically do it all. i really like that job because i get to work on the computer and with people every day, and hear wonderful music all day.

but heres the problem. i feel like my energy is being pulled in so many different ways, that i don't even have time to take care of myself. what should i do? i could do without the musical theater because it doesnt pay much, but it's really fun and i love my students and i love to sing and dance.. i never want to quit hair because that is my career and i am good at it... and i enjoy my other job too - that is nice to know i can always cover my apartment rent incase hair is slow one month. but now that i am so busy, i feel tired all the time and i am getting sooo lazy. i really just wish i could focus all my energy on hair and know for sure that i would always be able to support our family incase kevin ever lost his job (which he never would because his company loves him) but i know that isn't realistic knowing the nature of the job.. it's so hit and miss from week to week. i could make nothing one week, and $600 the next week. you never know.

i have been up talking to kevin about this for about an hour weighing out my options and i really can't come to a decision. for me- time is more valuble than money. money doesnt mean hardly anything to me. i only care about having enough to support our family and kevin through school. i didnt grow up with a lot of money so i can easily live without it. but- kevin is a huge believer of no credit cards and no debt and whatnot. (so thankful for that). we only have 2 school loans that are under $3,000 so thats really the only debt we have... but kevin is worried that if i quit one job we may not have enough to pay tuition each semester and then we would have to get another loan. we don't really qualify for hardly any pelgrants either. so- see my predicament?

i want to take care of myself. i want to loose weight, and feel healthy, and look healthy. i want to have great success in my hair business. i want to have time to make and keep great, genuine, best friends. i want to have time to make dinner for my sweet husband who works so hard all day long. i want to have time to keep my apartment clean so i can feel the spirit more clearly in my home (its so hard to feel at peace in a dirty home- and not saying mine is gross because really its not bad.. i just have ocd a little.) i want to have time to visit family. i want to have time to call up a girlfriend to visit. i just want to take care of myself. do you think that's more important?

kevin told me tonight that he thinks its been good for me to stay busy because he said he has noticed a huge change in me- i don't cry hardly at all anymore, i don't get as moody and i don't get sad much anymore. but now, i kinda feel like i don't feel anymore. i am just going through the motions.

so, i need advice. what do you think i should do? i have started praying about it and hopefully heavenly father will give me peace of mind and help me make the right decision. i think people think i am lazy because i always do this. i get a second job besides from hair and then after a while i quit because i get to busy and then i feel like after i quit i have too much free time. i'm not lazy when it comes to making money for our family, i promise. i do support kevin and i feel as equal as he is- he works so hard too for our family.

what to do, what to do?

i can't even sleep tonight- it's 12:15 am and I am wide awake having a huge anxiety problem with this. i need to be patient in getting an answer but sometimes patience is not my best friend... :) it may not seem like a big deal to you, but it really is to me. i think about it all day and have been for a month now. i know nobody likes to work. everybody wants free time. do you think i am being selfish for wanting to just do one job part time?

just had to get it off my chest. hope some of you can give me some insight. comments and advice much appreciated at this time!

now i just hope i can get some sleep... off to a long week of work.. work.. work.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

keep calm...

it seems like as of late, I have been really needing to tell myself to keep CALM and let things roll of my shoulder. Just because I am on a pill to help make me happy, doesnt mean I always am. It's an every day challenge to look at the positive side of life and like the motto says, keep calm and carry on! I am still trying to learn lots of ways to counter act my anxiety and let things go that have come and gone.. but it's hard! I thought I could make me a reminder to look at every day to remember that I am strong and can carry on through anything if I put my mind to it. 

Also, you might have noticed I changed the name of our blog. I named it "Keeping It Real". I have said this time and time again, I love reading blogs that share raw emotion and the realness of life and how hard it can be some times. But I also like reading the true happiness and spiritual experiences people experience every day. I think that's why I needed to change the name to mine kind of as a warning- if you don't like REAL raw blogs, don't read this one.. :) I've been getting some hater comments as of late.. I just feel like if people don't like the content of my blog, why do they sit by and read it? 

First off, I have seen these quotes flying around the blogging world for a long time, but have never made my own. I used the font Ariel on Microsoft word, used a crown clipart, and printed it out on cardstock. The frame is 5x7. I then glued it to some sparkly blue paper I got from Roberts. The frame I got was from D.I. for 75 cents. ! Great steal. I will be making more of these and selling them in the Farmers market as well. Let me know if you want one! I can custom make it for you with the colors you want. 

Here is another little thing I made. This frame is the same as the other one, there were two so I had to snag them up. 75 cents as well. I drilled two holes at the top to add ribbon in. I used a velvet scrapbook paper as the background.

Also, I got this HUGE chalk board from D.I for $3. I plan on using it to display prices or something at the farmers market too.

I have had a sucessful two days of crafting this week so far! love it... 

Hope you all have a good day today- and thanks to all of my loyal followers and readers. Giveaway coming up soon? Yea? Like, some hair stuff or home decor stuff? Tell me what you would rather!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Farmers Market in Provo

I am doing the farmers market starting June 4th through October every saturday, here in provo at Pioneer Park. I will be selling tons of fun things! I was busy crafting away all afternoon making some things. Here is a sneak peak of some of my bows/headbands that are new. As always, if you are interested in buying one, you can either buy them at the salon, or at the Farmers market in a few weeks. Hope you will ALL come visit me! :) 

I also have started watching The Voice. I LOOOVE it! How many others of you like it? 

sorry such a short post for today. I'm busy busy!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Haven Salon Bazaar

Our Salon had a fun boutique the last week of April and it was a great turn out! We had tons of fun vendors there. Here are some pictures of the vendors. 

This is Katies stuff. She works at the salon with me. I absolutely love her. This stuff is still for sale at the salon. 

This is Suzannes stuff. She also works with me at the salon. She made all these by hand! SOO cute! You could still buy things from her if you would like.

We even had a Stella and Dot representative there! It was amazing- I love their stuff. Just a little over priced for me though..

Luba is the owner of this skincare line- Winecutical. It's a huge high end line in Europe that she is trying to bring to the US.

We had the Groovy Gourmet cookbooks there- I bought one for myself.

This is Stephanies stuff. She works with me as well and all her stuff is being sold at the salon still if you are interested. She sells super cute earrings!

I couldnt remember this vendors name, but they had cute stuff.

Some fun crocheted things!

One of Stephanies Client's owns this cake shop- so she brought all her treats to sell!

Let me tell you what, it was all SOOO good!

Sabrina works with me too. She makes bracelets.

Stephanies Mom makes cards so her mom came and brought all her cards!

We had someone come do feather extensions in everyones hair too.

Stephanie is having her baby TODAY! Shes so cute.

Here is my niece Ella. She was trying on some of my cute bows :)

Still for sale at the salon :)

Here is my booth. I had home decor/wood stuff and wreathes, as well as my jewelry/bow holders and hair accessories. My sister in law made the paper wreaths.

The purses are also my sister in laws that she made, and the baby tie onesies. The hair accessories are still for sale at the salon. 

Also, just as a side note, if you make an appointment with me this week, I am offering a FREE eyebrow wax! Just give me a call and make sure to mention this when making an appointment. 801-616-7288.

whats cookin'?

I've been trying a few new recipes lately. They have turned out really yummy! I am in love with this food blog- and have found some really easy stuff on there. 

Here are a few of my experiments :) 

I made some chicken quasadillas using the mccormick chicken taco seasoning. 

Then, we used uncooked tortillas, we coked them a little, added the chicken, franks red hot sauce, and some cheese. 

After it was finished, we cut it up, dipped it in some ranch, and YUM! 

 It was really really good. It would be good with beans in the middle too I think... 

I also made homemade chicken taquitos! This is the easiest recipe ever- All from our best bites!

Baked Creamy Chicken Taquitos
1/3 C (3 oz) cream cheese
1/4 C green salsa
1T fresh lime juice
1/2 t cumin
1 t chili powder
1/2 t onion powder
1/4 t granulated garlic, or garlic powder
3 T chopped cilantro
2 T sliced green onions
2 C shredded cooked chicken (for extra yumminess, use grilled taco chicken!)
1 C grated pepperjack cheese

small corn tortillas (and actually, flour ones are really good as well)
kosher salt
cooking spray

Heat oven to 425. Line a baking sheet with foil and lightly coat with cooking spray.
Heat cream cheese in the microwave for about 20-30 seconds so it’s soft and easy to stir. Add green salsa, lime juice, cumin, chili powder, onion powder and granulated garlic. Stir to combine and then add cilantro and green onions. Add chicken and cheese and combine well.
You can prepare up to this step ahead of time. Just keep the mixture in the fridge.
Work with a few tortillas at a time and heat in the microwave until they are soft enough to roll without cracking. It helps to place them between damp paper towels. Usually 20-30 seconds will do it. If you find yours are cracking when you roll them or are coming unrolled right away, just try heating them longer and try the paper towel thing.
Place 2-3 T of chicken mixture on the lower third of a tortilla, keeping it about 1/2 inch from the edges.

Then roll it up as tight as you can.

Place seam side down on the baking sheet. Lay all of the taquitos on the baking sheet and make sure they are not touching each other. Spray the tops lightly with cooking spray or an oil mister and sprinkle some kosher salt on top.

Place pan in oven and bake for 15-20 minutes or until crisp and the ends start to get golden brown.

The ones pictured below are actually flour tortillas- which I found out I like just as well (maybe even better!) than corn ones.
In their recipe, they used small tortillas, but all I had was full size. This is how mine turned out: 

They were SO delicious. You MUST try them! 

I decided I like cooking when I have a menu planned out a week in advance. I hate trying to come up with something quick because I never know what to make. Whats your favorite recipe? I am picky, but I am always looking for easy yummy new recipes. Do share! 


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