The dreaded deed.
I do not know how I quite feel about this deed. Yes, I love food, and yes, I love to see my cupboards and fridge full, but no, I do not like to spend the money, no I do not like to put the food away (Well, actually, that one isn't too bad) and no, I don't like meal planning. Let me expound a little.
I am a picky eater. VERY picky. Probably the pickiest you will ever meet. I hate it. It's one of my worst flaws. From the time I can remember eating, I have always hated something on the dinner table or menu for the week. I struggled a lot. I still do. Maybe more so than I used to but in a different way.
I hate everything from onions, to tomatoes, peas, green beans, strawberries, raspberries, mangos, applesauce, any sea food, any jam except for grape, sharp cheese, provolone cheese... gosh I could go on forever. Embarrassing that I could.
When I was younger, my mom would make is eat what she was making for dinner or we wouldn't eat. I would cry at the dinner table for hours- all because she wanted me to eat a spoonful of peas! I used to love eggs, and then one time I choked on them and then another time they weren't cooked the way I liked them, so I stopped eating them. I was in 4th grade when I stopped eating eggs. How ridiculous. I have now since gotten over that and love eggs. But it has taken a loooong time. And I like to cook them myself.
I got so picky, that I would just start saying I didn't feel well or wasn't hungry and went to bed without food. I would just not eat. I didn't care. I would rather go without than eat what I didn't like. My mom I think got tired of fighting with me about it so when I got into high school, she would say 'make your own meal' and I would be sitting eating a PB&J while everyone else is eating chicken pillows with mushrooms in it. Wow, how gourmet were my homemade sandwiches! I was always really really skinny growing up. I danced a lot and kinda have ADD and always have to be moving- so my metabolism was high. But, I never ate hardly anything.
Breakfast is the hardest meal of the day for me. I like pancakes and french toast and biscuits and eggs and everything, but I HATE eating breakfast for breakfast. I hate eating breakfast period. Why? Because every single morning for as long as I could remember, I was nauseated when I woke up. I don't know if it's because I was always getting up early for school and take a long time to wake up or what- but I hated eating it. I would FORCE a piece of toast down my throat. Most of the time, I was starving when I got up, but the thought of eggs or breakfast food made the nausea worse, so I would eat a turkey sandwich for breakfast. Call me weird. I know. I still wake up nauseated every morning and have a hard time eating. Now, I usually eat a tiny breakfast at 9 or 10, lunch around 12, a snack around 3, and dinner at 6.
In High School, I didn't even really eat lunch a lot. Mostly because we never had food to take to lunch from home and because I hated school lunch. If I had money, I would sometimes go out with my friends for lunch and spend a dollar on the value menu at wendys or something. But most of the time, I went without. Then, I would go directly to dance until about 7 or 8 after school. That meant that by the time I got home, I was almost passing out, and had to eat the biggest meal. I was always starving! Reason being, I never ate during the day. Hardly EVER. But then, even though my body would scream hunger, I would get really sick after I ate because I would eat so much- but my stomach had shrunk from not eating all day. I have no idea how I made it through my days. Honestly. I had developed an eating disorder- although, I truthfully NEVER once threw up after eating or made myself do that type of thing. I hate throwing up way too much. I never really thought if it that way, but now that I look back on it, I really think that's what it was. I always thought I was so fat too- but I would give ANYTHING!!! to weigh what I weighed in high school. I had such a great body.
Now, my struggle isn't so much not eating, as it is not being able to get over my pickyness. It's soo hard. I get anxiety when people ask us over for dinner because I never know if I am going to like what it is to eat. But then, I hate when people ask me- oh, is this going to be ok? Do you like this? It's so embarrassing. I feel like a 5 year old. BUT- I still cant get over it. I hate textures. I am also very VERY sensitive to smells. If I don't like the smell, I wont eat it.
So, bring us back to the grocery store.
I hate going and trying to figure out meal plans for the week. There are only a few things I really really like. (Ok, thats exaggerated. I like a lot of things. But I feel like I make the same meals.) It's just so hard to venture out and try something new. I find it hard to buy stuff that would make a meal- instead I like to buy things like bread or crackers, lots of pasta, chicken, taco stuff.. I always buy the same things. I stare at the food on the shelf. I walk the whole store for an hour. Even if I am only getting a few things. Why can't I try something new?
How am I ever going to get over this? This is seriously a huge struggle to me. I hate eating at new restaurants because I don't know anything thats in the place. It's all foreign to me. The food seriously speaks "DANGER!" right to my brain. I know part of it is in my head, but part of it is that I may like the taste of it, but I hate the texture (strawberries are an example of this)
Now, I don't dance every day like I used to and I eat really un-healthily. (chips, sandwiches, pizza, LOTS of carbs, chocolate...) I feel like I am headed for fat street if I don't get over being picky. It's horrible. I have nightmares about it. I never want to be fat. Like biggest looser fat. How do people even get that big? Do they just eat all day and not take care of themselves? I can't see myself ever getting that big. Never. But I'm sure thats what they all said too.. haha!
I read an article the other day about adult picky eating. In one part, it said : "t
So, that is my secret. My secret that isn't so secret because everyone who knows me knows I am picky. Thanks to all of you for putting up with it.
Does anyone else struggle from this?