Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Here's to no more bad days for a while

It happened. 

I had my bad day. 

The ONE really really bad day since I started my pills

Like I said in an older post, I started depression medication. It has been SO great. I started to feel like myself again and felt really really happy. I was able to stop being so sensitive and I felt like a whole new person. But then, I ran out of my pills this last Friday. I had samples from the time I started until last Friday. I had the prescription to fill them, and my insurance kicked in on Jan. 1st, so I called Walmart to ask how much it would be. 

$110. 

Yes. That's a month. For 30 pills. That's around $3.50 a pill. Let me just eat my cash in my wallet. 

So, I went without the pills for a few days. I didn't think I would have a problem, but I did. 

I couldn't call the Doctor because by this time it was late Friday night. So, I knew I had to wait until Monday to call her and see if there was a different Medication I could be on. My insurance said they would cover a bunch of other medications but Lexapro was not one of them. 

I really didn't think it was going to be a big deal, so I kinda forgot about it and just had a fun weekend. And really, we did have such a fun weekend! It was great. But, Monday came, and I woke up in a bad mood. No one had hurt my feelings, no one had been mean to me, I was feeling fine, I just hated life. I didn't want to get out of bed, but I did. Kevin came home for lunch and the first thing I said was "steer clear if you are going to tease me tonight. I can't deal with anything today" HAHA. Wow. He just kinda backed off and did his thing and gave me space. 

I cried a lot that day, for no reason. Then I remembered, Oh shoot, I haven't taken my pills since Thursday night, and maybe that's why I am going so crazy?? It says on the caution thing for the pills to not stop taking them unless you ween your self off of them because they can cause serious side affects. Woops. But then, I realized, holy crap. How did I ever get through a day without my pills before? I feel like I just went to hell and back again right now.. Was I always like this? Did I really cry this much? Was I really this sensitive? And then I thought, this sucks, I have to be on this pill the rest of my life to make me happy. I am a slave to this medicine

It really struck a chord with me. That's sad. But, then I told myself that it's okay! If this is going to help me be myself, then I am okay with it. There is nothing I can do about the fact that I was born with a chemical imbalance in my body that made it hard for me to be happy. And if you are reading this and you suffer from it too, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! What I can do, is just accept the fact that I am going to be on medicine, and that it's going to make me happy, which makes the people around me happy because I feel like myself. 

So, after I realized (again) that it was okay, I called the doctor, they got a new medicine called over to Walmart thats almost the same as my old one, and I went and picked up the medicine yesterday. 

This medicine is only $4. 

Much better. 

In light of the situation, I feel like I need to say what I have been grateful for lately:

The Gospel

My sweet, understanding, loving, kind husband that loves me so much

This blog. Your sweet comments. Your support. Your love. Even if you are reading this and you hate my blog (which, why would you be reading this if you don't like it?) thanks to must of you for not telling me you hate it. 

My family. They are my support and my anchor!

Diet Coke. Thanks for your refreshing taste...

Goldfish. Yes, I love these orange cracker snacks... oh delish!!

The music from a Fine Frenzy. Such a good band and it seriously sooths me

Crafts. They keep me busy!

My job

Pictures- a picture says a thousand words. 

Dancing- it helps me feel sooo much better



And so my friends,  here's to no more bad days for a while. :)
and if your reading this, your NOT alone. I am here for you. 
peace, love, xoxo. -Gillian

11 comments:

Kayla said...

Gill!! I am sorry you had a bad day!
I love you tons, and I love how open and real you are on your blog.
I am happy they found a different medicine! That is an insane price! :)

Nichole Gaertner said...

Hi! My name is Nichole and I have to let you know that I adore your blog. I too struggle with depression and have become an over eater because of it. I've been working really hard to lose my weight, and cut back the crap in my diet and that seems to have helped me so far. I'm glad that you pointed out that we aren't alone... and I hope you realize this too. Your readers love you and we are all struggling with things- different or alike. Being able to read other people's struggles helps bring unity and a sense of belonging to all of us.

Thank you for being honest and opening up! :)
Love Nichole!

Michelle said...

Glad you got a cheaper perscription! You are such a strong insprational girl Gill! The Lord loves you and is watching out for you! Yes you have trials, but you have and are becoming stronger from them! Loves!

Jess and Jen said...

I am glad you found some cheaper medicine...sorry you had such a bad day! -Jen

Amy said...

I love that you are so honest. That takes courage, I admire that.
And, having never heard of a fine frenzy til this post, I looked them up, and I love them. Her hair is amazing ;). Your craft is once again adorable, and I love love your blog.

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

Sorry, I accidentally duplicate commented :)

Amie and Jesse said...

Gillian, i just want you to know i know exactly what you are going thru, i also have depression, and it really can put a strain on things, it sucks waking up in a bad mood for no reason or crying all the time. but just know you aren't alone, and if you ever need to talk im here for you!

Kaitlin said...

I am so happy that you got the medicine! It broke my heart to see you so down the other night.

Was I the one that told you about A Fine Frenzy? I think I might have... oh well. I love A Fine Frenzy as well! So amazing!

Call me sometime! Let's play!

Ashli said...

Is that you in that dance pose?!

Girl, you're a rockstar!:)

PaigeE said...

Love you Gillian. Keep hanging in there because the medicine will make you feel so much better.

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