I had my bad day.
The ONE really really bad day since I started my pills.
Like I said in an older post, I started depression medication. It has been SO great. I started to feel like myself again and felt really really happy. I was able to stop being so sensitive and I felt like a whole new person. But then, I ran out of my pills this last Friday. I had samples from the time I started until last Friday. I had the prescription to fill them, and my insurance kicked in on Jan. 1st, so I called Walmart to ask how much it would be.
Yes. That's a month. For 30 pills. That's around $3.50 a pill. Let me just eat my cash in my wallet.
So, I went without the pills for a few days. I didn't think I would have a problem, but I did.
I couldn't call the Doctor because by this time it was late Friday night. So, I knew I had to wait until Monday to call her and see if there was a different Medication I could be on. My insurance said they would cover a bunch of other medications but Lexapro was not one of them.
I really didn't think it was going to be a big deal, so I kinda forgot about it and just had a fun weekend. And really, we did have such a fun weekend! It was great. But, Monday came, and I woke up in a bad mood. No one had hurt my feelings, no one had been mean to me, I was feeling fine, I just hated life. I didn't want to get out of bed, but I did. Kevin came home for lunch and the first thing I said was "steer clear if you are going to tease me tonight. I can't deal with anything today" HAHA. Wow. He just kinda backed off and did his thing and gave me space.
I cried a lot that day, for no reason. Then I remembered, Oh shoot, I haven't taken my pills since Thursday night, and maybe that's why I am going so crazy?? It says on the caution thing for the pills to not stop taking them unless you ween your self off of them because they can cause serious side affects. Woops. But then, I realized, holy crap. How did I ever get through a day without my pills before? I feel like I just went to hell and back again right now.. Was I always like this? Did I really cry this much? Was I really this sensitive? And then I thought, this sucks, I have to be on this pill the rest of my life to make me happy. I am a slave to this medicine.
It really struck a chord with me. That's sad. But, then I told myself that it's okay! If this is going to help me be myself, then I am okay with it. There is nothing I can do about the fact that I was born with a chemical imbalance in my body that made it hard for me to be happy. And if you are reading this and you suffer from it too, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! What I can do, is just accept the fact that I am going to be on medicine, and that it's going to make me happy, which makes the people around me happy because I feel like myself.
So, after I realized (again) that it was okay, I called the doctor, they got a new medicine called over to Walmart thats almost the same as my old one, and I went and picked up the medicine yesterday.
This medicine is only $4.
In light of the situation, I feel like I need to say what I have been grateful for lately:
My sweet, understanding, loving, kind husband that loves me so much
This blog. Your sweet comments. Your support. Your love. Even if you are reading this and you hate my blog (which, why would you be reading this if you don't like it?) thanks to must of you for not telling me you hate it.
My family. They are my support and my anchor!
Diet Coke. Thanks for your refreshing taste...
Goldfish. Yes, I love these orange cracker snacks... oh delish!!
The music from a Fine Frenzy. Such a good band and it seriously sooths me
Crafts. They keep me busy!
Pictures- a picture says a thousand words.
Dancing- it helps me feel sooo much better
And so my friends, here's to no more bad days for a while. :)
and if your reading this, your NOT alone. I am here for you.
peace, love, xoxo. -Gillian