Wednesday, September 29, 2010

There's no pretending...

Life is so hard.

I have made myself a goal that I will serve others so that I can get through my depression. I thought that if I served others and kept myself busy and thought about anything but myself, I would be ok. I thought I could just pretend I didn't have it, and I could just pretend that I could get through it.

But, it doesn't work that way.

It worked for a little while. It really did. But today, I'm tired. And worn out. I realize that I can only do so much to make myself happy. Depression is a sick disease. I hate it. It's been a major huge horrible trial for me. I seem to do this thing- when I hear about others sad stories or trials they are going through, I start to feel bad for them too, and it becomes my own burden. It's not a good thing to do, but sometimes, I think, holy cow. The Savior took EVERYONES trials and made them his burdens, and suffered for them. How can I not just suffer for anyone but my own? I can hardly stand my own.

Even though I am grateful that I know I am not alone and I can turn to the Lord for help, it's hard. I can't always just put on a face or make myself be happy.

So today, is a hard day. I'm taking it step by step. The Lord must be teaching me a very valuable lesson right now, but this is definitely a trial I don't like or understand.

Sometimes when I get down I just get these horrible thoughts of myself. I know it's all Satan telling me I am not of self worth. But sometimes, I wish Satan would just leave me alone. I think the reason I am so open with me suffering from thoughts like these, is because I think more people than you would think go through these same thoughts and just don't quite realize what it is. I think that being open about it helps me to not be embarrassed by it. I don't feel like I am hiding a secret or anything. I feel like I can be a strength to others who have it too. I just have to figure out how.

Anyway. Just a bad day. Not because anything happened really. It just is. Had to get it out.

Life is hard.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

What tastes better than pretzels with chocolate?!

Yesterday I got in the mood for some goodies. I had seen this one on blogs before, but never used with candy corns... And I love candy corns so WALA! Here is my easy, special treat to share with you. 

Get these. 
And these
You could use circle pretzels too, but I chose square.  Set your oven to 350 degrees. Set your pretzels out on a pan, not spraying the pan
Unwrap your yummy limited edition candy corn hershy kisses and set one on top of each pretzel.
Set the timer for 2 minutes. Yes, only 2 minutes. Make sure the oven is already preheated before you put them in. When you take them out, they will still be in their original shape. Then, stick either M&M's on top, or a candy corn in this case. It will then weigh down the kiss and make them into a little smashed ball of chocolate like so.
MMMMMMM...... The chocolate will be soft and start to melt down the side of the pretzel. Then, take them off the pan and put them on a regular plate. Then, put them into the fridge for 10 minutes or so, until they have set and will not melt when you hold them. And that's IT! SOO good. Such a good combination
I put mine in a bag to give to a friend after. 
I also bought cookies from the store because I wanted to be lazy but I wanted cookies. 

I then made a little simple Halloween card and wrote something nice in it for my friend.

I already had the ribbon and scrapbook paper. The bags were 12 for a dollar at Maceys. 


I hope you all try this recipe! Super easy and yummy....


Sunday, September 26, 2010

These are the times you just smile and laugh

Oh my heavens. 

This week was insane. 

The FUNNIEST thing happened. 

Let me just tell you, I will never forget it. And I mean never

I went to the temple with 3 other friends on Friday. (2 times in one week! awesome!) Well, one of my friends (we will name her L, and the other two B, and A) drove. We all met at A's house and then L drove us all to the provo temple. We all left our phones, and purses in the trunk and just took our temple bags. We started our session at 10AM. We got right in and didnt have to wait at all. We had a great session, and on our way out of the temple two hours later, we were all STARVING. We all decided we would go out to lunch together. We got back to L's car to leave, and L realizes that she locked her keys in the car. Great. Fantastic. We all just burst out laughing. On any normal day, I would be like 

%@&*#(# Really?

 Haha, but I had no where to go that day and so I just laughed. 

L goes on to say "Oh, well let me just call my husband." 

Then, she says "Shoot. I don't have my phone. It's in the trunk."

I got an idea, and saw someone driving by, so I flagged them down and said "HEY! she locked her keys in the car. Can we use your phone?" He said yes. I give the phone to L and she says...

"Um, guys, don't laugh, but I don't know my husbands phone number....."

....(cricket noise right here)....

REALLY? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

"Guys! It's on my speed dial! I never have to see it! Don't laugh!"

So we give the phone back. We all sit here and think, and think. I decide I can call my mom, who works on BYU Campus, and that she could pick us up and take us to L's husbands work or at least get us to a phone book where we could look up L's husband's work number hahah. 

Well, my mom didn't answer. 

So, we walked to her work from the temple. In our church shoes and clothes. And it was pretty hot too. Its ok though, we needed the exercise. We are all just busting up laughing. 

We get to my moms work, and she isn't at her desk. By this time, it's 12:45 PM. (We got out of the temple at noon.) So, we find a phone book there, and L calls her hubby. Conversation:

"Um, Hi, I locked my keys in my car and don't have my phone. I need to get a hold of my husband. Can you get me to him?" the lady tells her that it's lunch but she will try to buz his desk. Well, he wasn't at his desk. So, L said:

"Oh, well can you like page him or something?" They paged him, and no answer. So the receptionist says well, why dont you just call his cell?

"....actually, I don't know his cell because it's on my speed dial....." the receptionist says she will connect her to his cell phone.

He answers his phone, and L busts up laughing. 

"Um, honey, don't laugh but......" 

She goes on to tell him the story, and he laughs and she says 

"Honey, stop laughing! I am going to cry! I'm only laughing to keep me from crying!" (as tears are rolling down her face from laughing so hard). He tells her to call the cops and see if they will unlock it, because he doesnt have a spare with him to unlock her car. If they wont do it, to call him back and we could come get his car, drive it down to payson where they live to get their other spare key in their house. 

So we call the cops. 

She tells them the situation, and they tell her they dont unlock cars unless there are babies in the car. She hangs up. 

"$%$U&(@&$( stupid cops. I Will just hurry and shove B in the back so they think I have a child"

So, we decide we would take my moms van. But, my mom was no where to be found. I saw that her van's windows were down, so I thought maybe she left the keys in there. I ran out there, and she was sleeping in there! I laughed so hard. I was looking for her FOREVER!! 

We taker her van to L's husbands work, get his car, and follow through our plan of going to Payson to get the other keys. Then, by the time we got back to Provo, it was 3:15PM. I had to teach dance in 45 minutes, so I had to have her take me to A's place so I could get my car and leave. So, we still have  L's husbands car, and now we have hers because we got her spare keys. A drives L's car, and L drives her hubbys car to A's house. Well, we all laughed about it, and L felt stupid, but it was no big deal. None of us had eaten yet, (I hadn't eaten breakfast that morning either so I was dying) but it was fun, and good to laugh about something. Ironic that it happened after we went through a session....

Later that night, I get a text from A saying: So, uh, L couldn't find her keys in her purse after we dropped off her hubbys car. don't worry, they were in her temple bag the WHOLE TIME. Holy Cow! All we can do is laugh.. :)

Um, SERIOUSLY!!!!

Hahahahahahah It was awesome.
It might not be as funny now that you are reading it.
Guess you had to be there. 


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Baby Bows and Headbands

It's late so I don't want to write a lot, but here are the headbands and bows I'm sending my sister in law Tana who is having a baby girl on October 9th! Can't WAIT! (BTW The baby model is my neighbor upstairs little baby that was born on Sept. 7th.She is TINY!)

Zipper headband 

Blessing dress headband

Satin flower headband on stretchy lace


the blessing headband- strechy





made out of nylons! stretchy baby headband that bows can clip on to

a bow attached to the nylon headband. Halloween!

found this cute fabric and had to get it for halloween. 

made this a long time ago. a clip- sending it to Tana as well

a clip I made forever ago

another clip I made a long time ago. 

the very first bow I ever made- sending it to baby A

brand newborn headband. simple


That's it! I hope baby A looks stylin in all these cute headbands! Can't WAIT till I have a baby girl to dress up someday!

The Gospel is true...


Last night I went to a session at the temple because one of my friends went through for the first time. It was quite the amazing experience. Let me just explain.

My friend that went through last night, will be serving a mission October 27th. I lived with her and her family for 4 months before I got married. They were so great to me. I didn't have to pay rent, or pay for food, and I got my own key to the house. It was just like I was living with my own family.

Her parents are converts to the church. Her mom has stayed active, but her dad hadn't been consistently active since my friend was a little girl. Her dad has been going to church here and there, but it seems like in the past few years times have been really tough for him. He kept getting layed off at his job (but then taken back on) and just didn't seem happy. (BTW, these are my words and feelings, no one else's) So apparently, when she chose to go on a mission and got her call, she sat down with her dad and spoke with him about the gospel. They got in a deep conversation about it and he had all kinds of questions about the church. So she found scriptures and explained to him in the best way she could. She bore her testimony about the church and after that, her dad just said- Ok, because this is so important to you and I know how much you love the gospel, I will make you a promise. I will make you a promise because I love you. I will go to church every week and pay my tithing every week for 6 months. I will try to get myself to the temple. I will read the scriptures. I will do this all for 6 months. And then after that, if I don't feel anything or don't understand or if anything doesn't change, then that's it. I'm done. I will never go to church again. But until then, I will give it my all. Well, since then, he has been going to church and paying his tithing. He hasn't been layed off. In fact, he has gotten 10 hours of overtime at his work- being the first person to get overtime at his job in 3 years. Miracle? I think not. That's just the way the church works. He needed to put his faith in Heavenly Father in order to be blessed.

Last night, I was in the chapel at the temple waiting to go into the session, and in comes her dad. I cannot tell you the spirit I felt when he walked into that chapel. Me and my friend would lay up at night talking about how much happier her dad would be if he could just let the gospel back into his life. How the gospel is the only thing missing in his life. We had just waited for this day to come for a long time. I just sat there and couldn't stop smiling. I had tears rolling down my face. I felt like I had witnessed a miracle.

I then prayed that Heavenly Father would then help him feel the spirit and the importance of having the gospel in his life so that in 6 months he would feel that his life had significantly gotten better. I felt an overwhelming spirit at that time, which made me know that in 6 months, he will still be coming to church because there is no way he can't be given that reassuring feeling that it is true if he is doing all he can do to be active and find an answer.

We went through the session and after the session, all of us met in the celestial room. I hugged her dad and told him how happy I was to see him and his wife there. I had tears rolling down my cheek, and he just held me tight and said "Gillian, I am happy I'm here too." He didn't stop smiling. It was like he saw the light for the first time. After that, I hugged my friend. We hugged for a long time. Her and I have had a lot of ups and downs but this definitely helped us remember forgiveness and friendship is important. We cried a little too, as one of our other friends that was there gave us a group hug. All three of us friends stood together smiling. We were so lucky to have grown up together with the same values and beliefs. It felt like it was a long time coming, but it was amazing to have my two best friends to my side while being in the temple.



The person I did temple work for last night's name was Brita. Her birthday was September 23rd, 1813. That would mean that today is her birthday. It didn't give a last name or a place she was from, but I feel good about doing her work. What a great birthday present she gets today as she finds out someone did the work of the temple ordinances for her! I wish I could be there to help her celebrate.

I don't think I will ever forget that session.

I love temples.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Meet my new friends

friend number 1: extensions. Just clip ins. I wore these for my wedding day, but my hair was up so you couldn't tell that they didn't match my hair. So, today, I got them out again, bleached them out more to match my blondes, and had my friend cut them like 6 inches. They were very damaged. So, now I'm rockin them. I soo wish my hair was this long naturally. But for now, wearing these motivates me to keep growing out my hair another year.

friend number 2 & 3: home grown carrots and cucumbers. Pretty much that carrot on my right is mutated and weird. I'm gonna eat it for dinner. But, I still love it because it grew in my garden. And everyone is different right?

I redid my blog again. I like it better this time. What do you think?


That's it for today. Happy Family Night. :)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

ouch.

If some of you didn't know,

I hurt my back while at lake powell on the tube last week. I thought it was just a sore muscle so I have just been taking it kinda easy this last week. Well, it got so bad today that I honestly could not breath. It kept getting worse and I couldn't sleep. If I would take a deep breath, it felt like my rib was about to break. I made it through the first two hours of church today, and then had to leave. I was literally having a panic attack.  I would get so frustrated at night because there was no comfortable way for me to sleep. not standing, sitting up, laying down, twisted, in a ball, nothing would make the pain go away. I probably cried my self to sleep every night this last week. Then, embarrassed myself when I fell apart crying on the phone to my sister, and then at my moms house today. Joy. I hate crying in front of people almost more than anything, yet, I do it all the time. I got a blessing from my husband and after that, I briefly was able to calm down and stop crying from the pain.

I decided to have my husband take me to instacare today. We have no insurance. So, after paying a 75 dollar copay, we find out that it's not a kidney infection, and no broken rib, just a back that is very out of alignment. It could also very well be something more serious, so they are sending me to a specialist this week. The doctor today made me hold my arms crossed around me while he turned me weird ways and popped my back about 5 times. he was pushing SOOO hard to pop my back that he was shaking. I was just crying away while my husband was staring in awe at how hard he had to push to get my back to do anything. The doc said he could feel my back out of wack from the outside and see it, but he also said he wanted to send me to the back specialist if the pain doesnt subside this week. How did this even happen is the question I have been asking myself all week. My body is not cut out for anything crazy.

I am on muscle relaxers, loratab, and naproxyn. Yuck.

So, I am laying in bed with a heating pad on my back, sweating, and waiting for the meds to knock me out. If the meds do the job, tonight will be my first night of good sleep in a week. (please do the job meds, sincerely, me.)

As I was just finishing up a scrapbook I am working on, I sneezed.

Oh the pain it brought my back.

Dear body,
PLEASE don't sneeze or cough again until this pain has subsided. Thanks.
without love,
gillian.

Can't I just go ONE year without having something happen to my body?

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Gift Tags

Ok, I know you are thinking, REALLY? Christmas gift tags ALREADY?

But don't be mad. 

I was just playing around in my scrapbook program today and thought it would be fun to make some cute gift tags. It's hard to find cute gift tags that are cheap- and what's cheaper than FREE??? 

So, what do you think? Something you will use?

You can just click on the picture to get it to the full size, and then save it to your computer, and print it out on some nice bazzil cardstock paper. 

If you decide to use these or share about them on your blog, please don't forget to give me credit. :)

Enjoy your freebie!

Friday, September 17, 2010

BOO

Boo! 

Is what I will be saying on October 31st, 2010. 

Any ideas what I should be for Halloween? Really. Just think it through. What should I be?
The costumes I can remember that I have been thus far in my life are: a witch, a pumpkin, an ice skater, a dancer, one of the ladies from hokus pokus (amazing favorite halloween movie btw), a cheerleader, a white trash prego lady, a flapper girl, an 80's dancer.... and thats all I can remember. 
So. give me some ideas! 

Here is what I made at 11:00 PM last night. 

BOO! bought the letters at roberts. 99 cents a piece. Then, bought scrapbook paper, modpodged it  on, and distressed the edges a little. notice my cute little spiders that say "newly webs" (my sister in law gave that to me last year!) 


So, yea. More Halloween decor. What do ya think? I think you should make some too. And then leave me a comment after you posted it on your blog so I can see it too. :)







Thursday, September 16, 2010

Home Sweet Home...

...is the candle melt in my scentsy right now... and it brings fall RIGHT into my home! I just love it!

Here are some projects I have been working on as of late. Have I told you all that I LOVE The dollar store? Yea. Well, I do.

Fall is my all time favorite season. Do you remember this post?

Fall Wreath- dollar store style
I spent prob 10 dollars on it. (including the spray paint.)

I started with this. Found at the dollar store.


Bought this at home depot. I just wanted a plain brown and this was the cheapest. It ended up drying really really shiny. 


It dried pretty fast too. So, just spray paint it. You will have to spray it a few times since there are some spots that are hard to get. 

I bought like 5 little lengths of leaves and a few little bunches to add in. I just twirled them around the wreath and hot glue gunned them into place. I like the way it looks. very festive.

I took this idea from Inspiring Creations. She is really cute and does a lot of cute stuff. the pumpkin is from the dollar store.

I started with a plain frame. 

painted it. After it dried, I sanded it a little to take off some of the shinyness. 

I didn't take pictures of any of the other steps, but here is what I did. I cut a tree out on the cricket machine. My work did it for me. Then, I bought a yard of burlap. You really dont need even close to that much. But I love burlap and can use it on other things. The frame came with cardboard so I covered the cardboard backing with burlap- using the glue gun. Then, I glue gunned the trees on, and some fall colored buttons on. And then, put the glass inside and wala!

Got this at big lots. There is a candle in it. I know this isnt really the best spot for it, but I dont know where to put it.

I made this one last year... but I love it! 

Got the flower thing at big lots. I love big lots!

Eliza and Kilee came over so I could make their blogs. Eliza's blog (idea thought up by her, designed by me) is dearelizajane.blogspot.com and kilee's is neilandkilee.blogspot.com.  We were up till midnight laughing and blogging! It was fun. Maybe someday we will all start up a craft blog... and yes, I know, I look homeless in this picture. It was late ok!

Kilee spent her time making magnets while we blogged!

Some of her cute magnets!
Overall, it was a good day yesterday. I made tortellini and garlic bread and a salad for dinner... so that was yummy. So, check out my friends blogs I made! Hope you like them. 

Actually, what do you think of my new blog makeover? I am still not sure about it.... I am so picky. And I have blog ADD... always changing the appearance of it! 

Kevin is at school tonight. Till 9 PM. I went on Facebook and wrote him this message:



I wish you could quit school and we could become millionaires so we could just travel the world and bum around. 



what a life.

until then, I will be bored. Bored while you do your homework and bored while you are at school. Bummer.



I will be waiting for you to come home from school at 9:30 PM tonight and eat dinner with me. yup. 

thanks for doing boring school so we can live like no one else later in life.

xoxo. 
your wife.



So anyway. That's me tonight. Just waiting for him to come eat dinner with me! 

Well, thanks for stopping by! I hope you all had a good day. 


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