Wednesday, March 24, 2010

...um...

Well, no pictures this time. Just a long post with lots of words. And, if you don't want to talk about pregnancy tests and periods and being sick and birth control pills, this probably isn't the post for you... it's gonna be pretty graphic.

This has been an interesting week.  (And it's only wednesday!)

It all started off about 2 1/2 months ago. I went to the woman's doc because I had been getting extreme pain for my cysts. I have already posted about the cysts thing and that appointment so if you want to read that, it's posted somewhere in the beginning of Feb. Anyway, so when I went in, she put me on a new pill called Yaz. She told me that it would help with my migraines, and would help me loose some weight. Well, I have lost about 2 pounds, and it may have helped a little with my headaches, but it never gave me a period. When I first went in to the doctor about it, I had finished the pack of my other pill about 2 weeks before the appointment, so when I had finished the new pack of yaz, it had been about a month and a half since I had had a period. So, when it didn't come, I thought, crap. I am prego.

Kevin and I bought like 3 tests and all of them said negative. Well, I had been tired ALL the time, and really really nauseous and sick, and getting a little bit of breast pain.. (sorry, this post is going to be kinda graphic.) So, I thought I still was pregnant, but we didn't tell anyone because of what has happened in the past with people's opinions on this subject...

So, I kept taking the pill just incase I wasn't. I thought I would know if I was pregnant within a few weeks and if not, I would know by the next month when I was supposed to start. Well, I kept getting more sick- and more pain, and more tired. I thought for sure I was pregnant. I wanted to stop taking my pill because if I was pregnant, I didn't want it to cause damage to the baby, and if I wasn't, I just didn't want to be on it because of how sick I had been. I think Kevin was starting to get a little nervous about it, too.

So, Monday, I woke up and felt so sick to my stomach and decided that I just can't live with nausea. I called my doctor and asked to be seen as soon as possible. Well, they said they could get me in at 10:45 that morning. So, off I went to my appointment. They gave me a pregnancy test, and it came back negative. By this time, I had kind of convinced myself I was pregnant so I was kind of starting to get excited. She still thought I was pregnant even though the test said negative, so just to be sure, they made me get a blood test for it. Well, it came back negative too. So, she got kind of worried, and said she thinks it's my thyroid. So, I had to get 2 more blood tests (a thyroid one and a CVC one, I think that's what it's called...) Now, I am just waiting for the results. She thinks that is why I have been gaining weight and been so incredibly tired. She also said she wants to give me an ultra sound to see the lining of my uterus because they said I am not ovulating every month and they want to see if they can do something about that. She also said to stop taking that pill and she would give me a new one. UGH. I have tried 3 pills now. They have all made me sick or gain weight, and none of them have regulated me. Ever.

That means when I do want to get pregnant some day, it's going to take forever. great. So, I am going to be going through a bunch more tests. I have been pretty discouraged this week. When they called me to tell me I wasn't pregnant, I cried a little. Not alot, just a little. I guess it will happen when it happens. I think just because of the way my body had been reacting to my pill and other things, it thought it was pregnant. So, I was just kind of preparing myself to be. Oh well.

So, if I have been ignoring any of you, it's not because I don't love you. I honestly haven't felt good at all, and I have been too tired to go do anything crazy fun. Hopefully that will change soon and I can start getting more energy. I have been neglecting talking to family about this because I hate explaining the story a million times, so that's why I just posted it on here because I think most of  you read this.

I have been thinking a lot about my bodily challenges that I have gone through in my life. So many things. I can't even compare my challenges to Ammon's, but for me being non-handicapped (haha... I think) I have had a lot of problems. I have had 4 surgeries, migraines, cysts, adenitis, plantar fasciitis, broken my foot, had strep throat a million times, sinus infections, colds, and a million other things. I just don't understand why I am always sick. It's always something. Being sick has held me back in my life in so many ways. I had to quit dance because of it. I have missed work in all of my jobs because of it. In my patriarchal blessing it tells me I will live a healthy life. What does that even mean? Because obviously I don't live one right now. It's kind of discouraging. There has got to be something to learn from all of this. Although I have been sick so many times and seems to be most of my life, I am grateful that I can walk, and that I even have a body. For the most part, I am ok, and at least I am able to go through my normal day without any complications like some people do. I guess I can't complain too much.

So anyway, thats what's happening. I am ok with not being pregnant, because I know God has a plan for me, and that it will happen someday. It will happen when both Kevin and I are ready and I do have faith in that.

I have an interview with Salon On The Avenue today in Provo. Wish me luck.

To end on a happy note, here is a song for what I am feeling right now. It's called "Road To Paradise" by Jordin Sparks.




The lyrics are:
Mmnnm
yeah yeah yeah
Handshake
try to keep em steady
won't break
you been getting ready
Here we go
it's time to say goodbye (say goodbye)
Mmmm
You've got a lot up on your shoulders
Not quite sure just where you're going
But you know it's gone be quite a ride
You know with every twist, turn, crash and burn
that you're gonna reach the other side

Chorus:
You will do things you never dreamed of
You're gonna find a few new friends
Get to explore the worlds of wonder
Where the magic never ends
Time to go out and make your moment
Make a few memories on the way
Life is unfolding it's happening right before your eyes
On the road to paradise
Mmmm road to paradise
Oh yeah yeah

VERSE 2
Inside you feel the fire blazing
Outside you are so amazing
Take a breath and soak in all the sides
Mmmmmm
Danger and fear are gonna test you
Still you are coming to the rescue
Rain or shine you won't give up the fight
It doesn't matter how long how far
there are miracles along the way

Chorus:
You will do things you never dreamed of
You're gonna find a few new friends
Get to explore the worlds of wonder
Where the magic never ends
Time to go out and make your moment
Make a few memories on the way
Life is unfolding it's happening right before your eyes
On the road to paradise

VERSE 3
Might be surprised
by the strength you're gonna find
Inside your heart

Chorus:
You will do things you never dreamed of
You're gonna find a few new friends
Get to explore the worlds of wonder
Where the magic never ends
Time to go out and make your moment
Make a few memories on the way
Life is unfolding it's happening right before your eyes
On the road to paradise
On the road to paradise
Yeahhh
On the road to paradise

8 comments:

Jess and Jen said...

Sounds like a rough couple of months! I'm so sorry! I hope that you and your doctor are able to figure things out quickly so that you can start feeling better! Hopefully when you are pregnant you won't feel as lousy as you've been feeling lately...not fun!

Good luck with your interview today! -Jen

chelsey said...

Good luck with the interview! Also, it's good that you're seeing a doc now so you can get things straightened out. It may take a long time, so it's important to figure it out as soon as you can. That way, when you two decide you are ready for a family, you'll have a better handle on it and not get so discouraged if it doesn't happen quickly. You'll be prepared.
The thyroid problem wouldn't suprise me at all. Mom has had issues with hers for years, so keep us posted!
I hope you get feeling better soon!

Chelsea Hope said...

One word.... CONDOMS! Screw contraveptive pills, they mess you up in everyway. BOO! Good luck with your interview!!!

Mike and Adrianne said...

I'm sorry Gilly. I hope you can get everything figured out soon.

Jess and Jen said...

Thanks for the first-line warning. I decided to skip this post and go straight to the comments. -Jess

Debbie Barr said...

That's really too bad about the pills creating so many problems, as well as your other issues. You've stayed so strong through it all! You'll get through this, too.

Gillian and Kevin Mohlman said...

It's ok, I will be fine. :) Thanks for all the kind words of encouragement.

Amber said...

I wouldn't be surprised if the tests came back and you had a thyroid problem. About four years ago I went through a lot of the same stuff you are describing, I could have sworn I was pregnant because the symptoms were so similar. When all the tests came back negative I was worried I had cancer or something. Best of luck, I love your attitude, keep it positive!

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