Sunday, October 18, 2009

From Beauty to Ashes- A Testimony to me.

I have really come to absolutely LOVE my new ward. Yea, its full of BYU young married students, but I love it. One- The people are so inviting. When we first went to our ward, I felt like no body was talking to me. It took me a week to realize, Gillian. Eveyone is in your same situation. They dont know anyone, and you dont know anyone. They are all waiting for someone to come up to them and say hello, as am I. Go up to someone and introduce yourself. So, I kept that mindset for the next week. Instead of sitting by myself, I sat by someone. I introduced myself, and asked about them and their life. Every week, I sit by someone new. I try to make sure to say hi to the ones I dont know, and especially the ones I have already met. It has helped me to meet so many new and nice people. Secondly- I have been able to feel the spirit EVERY single week. Not a joke. I hardly ever cry at church. (I am one of those that cries when I feel the spirit.) The lessons are so well prepared, and always speak to me.

For example: Kevin and I got callings last week. We are the Photo Directory people- we make the photo directory for the ward members and do the pictures and such. He also got a "preach my gospel chairman" calling. There are two elders quorums in our ward so they get to make up a few callings. But anyway, so for sunday school, they have like 6 different classes you can go to. They rotate every 8 weeks. Right now, we are in the Preach My Gospel class. There are only 5 other couples in that class. Well, today, the lesson was on chapter two in preach my gospel. It was about the Atonement. He showed a movie. (please, watch it. Its really moving..) the link to watch it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UR7-fd3Lus4 . After the movie, he went into talking about how Heavenly Father did the same thing with his Son. He sacrificed his Son for us all. We talked alot about what the Atonement means, not only the definition, but in our own lives. While I was sitting there listening to people share their stories, I felt the need to share a story.

I shared about Ammon. I told them a little background about him, and his history with all his trials and hardships, but through it all, he has been so brave and faithful. I recalled an experience that I will never forget: Right before Ammon got the Halo last year, he was so scared. He wanted dad and all his brothers to give him a blessing. All the family gathered around the living room to see Ammon trying to smile. The boys all got in the circle and Dad started giving him a blessing. The minute Dad started, I knew the words were from God. I knew my dad couldn't say those things. (Not because he didnt want to, but because He didn't know how or why) But- some words that my dad said were something along the lines of "Ammon, you chose to come to this earth this way and you will be fine, you still have time here on this earth." Everyone in the room felt the spirit. There wasn't a dry eye there. My mom had to leave the room. To this day, those words still hit me. "You chose to come here this way". How could you choose to come to this earth with all these problems? How could you agree to having multiple problems, and knowing that you wouldn't be like other kids. You wouldn't walk, you wouldn't eat, you wouldn't go to school on a normal basis, you wouldn't have friends besides adults... How could you do that? But it goes deeper than that. Christ knew he was going to be crucified. He knew he was going to suffer for all of our Sins. He may not have known he was going to have to suffer alone, but he knew he would suffer in ways that we cannot comprehend. But- he still came. He chose to do it. No one made him. In a way, I feel like Ammon did the same thing. It hit me like a ton of bricks today. As I was sharing all of this, I was so emotional. I felt a blanket of love around my shoulders from my Heavenly Father telling me that No, he didn't make Ammon come here this way. Ammon chose. What an example that is to me! I know Ammon will probably read this, and may not understand. But, I wanted everyone to know that although this last year, and even All 14 years of Ammon's life have been so hard on us, that its O.K. He is here to definitely teach us all something. I think it has mainly been hard on us because we haven't understood. We keep asking "Why? Why Our Family? Why Ammon? Why when he is so perfect already?" The answer is simple. He chose to. I honestly believe that. I hope you all do too. So, I shared all of that today, and everyone in the class had tears in their eyes. The teacher then went on to tell us about a talk he had read. It is called From Beauty to Ashes. I came home and read it.
The teacher ended with: Each of us will taste the bitter ashes of life, from sin and neglect to sorrow and disappointment. But the atonement of Christ can lift us up in beauty from our ashes on the wings of a sure promise of immortality and eternal life. He will thus lift us up, not only at the end of life, but in each day of our lives."


I want you all to go and read that talk. You can find it on LDS.ORG. Its true though, We may think that our life has so many bitter ashes, but the atonement will lift us up in Beauty, and help us make it to the end. I know Ammon will be perfect someday. I cant wait for that to happen. If Christ didnt die for us, That wouldnt be possible. (Even though I already think Ammon is perfect). I just wanted to share all of that with you guys. It really made my day to make that realization that we all chose to come here, and we all get to go home together again someday. I love my family so much! I hope you all know that. :)

11 comments:

Mike and Adrianne said...

I appreciate this post. Read my blog and you will understand better why. I have been thinking about Ammon a lot this week and his example to accept and choose to live life happily. I think it has helped me this week.

Jess and Jen said...

That's a really nice post. I remember that blessing for Ammon. It was a pretty emotional night.

FYI, we have a preach my gospel chair in our EQ, as well as a redeem the dead and perfect the saints chairperson. And we only have one EQ!

Sorry we missed you guys last night. We called right after 8pm as we left Provo but didn't get in touch.
Jess

Jess and Jen said...

Gillian, I'm so glad you shared this with us. Thank you! -Jen

Papa Doc said...

If the kind of things you talk about have come about because of your moving away I am glad you are gone. I am not being facetious here. The whole post was wonderful. You showed a great depth of understanding, and to see you get close to the Spirit makes me happier than any other thing could. Thank you for the wonderful things you stated about Ammon. I hope we all understand this about him. And remember, that he "wanted to come" because he loved us. That is almost not understandable at times, but his love and presence has made us all better and will so so for all of our lives.

Thank you again

Love, Dad

chelsey said...

Beautifully put Gillian. I'm glad you're in a great ward that's reaching out to you. Sometimes people our own age can help us learn things in ways others can't. And kudos for being willing to step out and introduce yourself! Not enough people do that. You'll find yourself greatly rewarded for that.

Brittni Currie said...

Ammon is such a great example to everyone! I admire him so much for his ability to handle all that he has been through and he still keeps a smile on his face and never thinks of just himself. He always thinks of others and how he can help them to make them happy even when he is in alot of pain. The blessing from his dad that you shared made me cry. I have had alot of medical problems in the last few years and I was at the point of giving up because I didn't think I could handle things any longer. When I read that "you chose to come to the earth this way" it made so much sense to me and now I have more of a mind set to try and fight the pain and trials I have been going through. I am sure my pain is nothing compared to what Ammon is going through, he is so strong and such an example to all of us! He is an amazing little guy and I am so glad he did decide to come to earth and give every one a chance to get to know him and help others in the way no one else can!
Ammon-Keep fighting little guy we are all here for you and love having your sweet spirit to share and cheer us up when we are feeling down!

Gillian said...

Dad- Yea, I couldn't grow up until I moved out. True story. Good thing I did right?
Jess- That night was a good night though. I didn't realize that blessing would have such an impact on my life. I am glad it had an impact on yours too.
Adrianne- I read your post. I am so glad you dont have seizures anymore! But- I can understand your frustration with living with it for so long and realizing you dont have it... thats so weird. But it's true. We can choose to live life happily, or choose to dwell on all of our trials. Who knew that little kid could teach us so much?
Chelsey- I have never been a shy one. I guess that is something I Was blessed with. Thank goodness!
Brittni- I am really glad you read this post. I loved everything you said! I am glad you seem to be doing better. Let us know if you ever need anything :)

The Duke said...

Gillian, I didn't post anything earlier because my heart was so full. Your comments showed a new maturity in your spiritual quest and I was overjoyed. I'm so glad you are able to feel the Spirit so readily - Ammon or not. When my boys have gone on missions, I have been able to kind of guage when they were beginning to really get it. They were becoming spiritual "peers" to me and Dad. Not because we are so much more spiritual, but because of experience and age and practice. It was always exciting to note that point in the missions when they got to a new height of understanding. I am seeing you make that climb. Keep working on it and keep inviting the Spirit into your lives. It will definitely strengthen your marriage and future family. It's absolutely necessary for each individual to find their own testimony and their own spiritual strength. I'm very happy that you are finding yours.
I feel very lucky to have 11 incredible kids. Ammon just brings out the best in all of us but each of you are just important in my life as he is.-

Tana said...

Jill. I am just now ready your post and I am glad that I did. Thanks for your testimony and sharing your expereinces. Love ya much- Tana

Anonymous said...

Yes, I with you definitely agree

Anonymous said...

Matchless phrase ;)

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